Dear God, this is Kelley

They are Christ

2012-02-15T06:15:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"Whatever you did for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant [they seemed], you did for me." (Matthew 25:40; God's Word transl.)

It just occurred to me, Lord: when I'm reacting negatively to someone who is driving, I'm reacting negatively to You, yes? I don't know why this hasn't occurred to me before. I guess I've always applied this verse to those who are poor, those who are ignored, those who are hurting, those who are ostracized, hungry, thirsty, in prison. But, Lord, someone who is driving badly is certainly "in prison" in some way. Either he or she is upset, very late, angry, or feeling put upon. And then there's me who is sick of all the weaving in and out these people do (even though I am guilty of doing the same thing) speeding up to hamper their weave, adding to their lateness, anger, upset, and feeling of being put upon. How dumb.

People don't have to be sinless to be You. Your love for them puts You in their place and if I put You in their place, then I will react as I am supposed to, as I am empowered and enabled to by Your grace, as I am supposed to by virtue of my baptism, as I am obligated to because I call myself Yours.

But, God, did You see how mean he was? Lord, You saw how rude she was! I sound just like Adam and Eve, don't I? How small I can be and how big You have enabled me to be!

Forgive me, my Lord, Jesus Christ, You who did not strike back but, even while in unbearable pain, managed to forgive, to give, to take care of, and to release. I will do better, Lord; help me to do better. I love You.

No amount of evil

2012-02-14T06:09:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Can I ask You a hard question? If You say You provide -- like the birds; You say the Father cares for them so will the Father not care for us? If this is true, Lord, then what of the starving children in African countries? We see them with their moms, sitting with flies on them, dying from malnutrition. I know it is our sin that keeps food from them, but would You have said these words if our sin could block Your giving?

I know there are some Christians who say if the starving had faith in You, they would not be starving. I don't believe that, Lord. Love doesn't work that way, and You are Love.

I know from my own experience that You do not necessarily stop suffering; we all know that. But You are present with, thick and heavy in the air surrounding those who suffer. You suffer with and give grace to endure and grace to come to You in the end if that is Your will.

It is frightening that we can block Your love -- that some of us, moved by You, can send food, but others can keep that food from getting to those who are hungry. But we do not live by bread alone, and no one, no amount of evil can block You from getting to those who hunger. That we may not see. That we may not hear. But that we can be sure of. You are there, feeding with Your Spirit, Your peace, Your grace.

Thank You, Lord, for overcoming our sin. Thank You for being with. May we work hard to be Your hand that feeds. May we remember even when we fail, You are there.

Bring out the best

2012-02-13T05:51:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst." (Matthew 5:44; The Message transl.)

This challenges that impulse, Lord, the impulse to be mean, to get even, to not allow another to take advantage. I want to challenge this impulse in me, Lord. It doesn't belong to You; it clearly belongs to me. My impulse is to be first most of the time. Unless I deliberately set my mind to respond with You in mind, I will speed up instead of let the other driver pass me. I will respond with equal harshness to someone who's mean to me. I will sooner assume someone is going to be cruel than assume his intentions are good.

Take over, Lord. May any move against me bring out You, not me. That's real strength. Not only does that not feed the negativity, but it also holds up a mirror to the one doing the negative thing, hopefully causing him to question, to regret, and change course. When I respond in this way, the Kingdom comes.

How is such a response prepared for, Lord? Well, I know if I am engaged with my surroundings, rather than lost in thought, detached from where I am and what I'm doing, I am more apt to respond well. I know if I pray to You often, asking grace to give the benefit of the doubt, I am more apt to respond well. If I see people as You see them -- something I can have just by asking You -- I am more apt to respond well.

Make my words Your words. Make my sight Your sight. Make my thoughts Your thoughts, Lord. For You have no other hands but mine, no other feet but mine*. May I allow You to walk in me.

*Teresa of Avila

May we shine for You, Lord!

2012-02-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This is Eugene Peterson's translation of Matthew 5:14-16:

"You're here to be light, bringing out the God colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand -- shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

You are not a secret to be kept, Lord.... If we open up to others, we prompt others to open up to You....

We are to wear You on our sleeves, yes, Lord? We are to share our experiences of You as often as we can. The transformation we have undergone, and are undergoing, must be like a movie others can see for free. And the transformation in me has been nothing less than miraculous. But first we must become aware of what You are doing within us before we can broadcast it with any accuracy, with any truth. We must not transmit any hesitancy to others in our desire to open up to You. Some of us do, Lord. Some of us stop. Most of us stop -- at least at one time or another. We get too frightened. We don't want You to see, and we pretend You don't see, or we walk away and return to a superficial following of You, effectively stopping Your movement within us. Nudge us to return, Lord, to return our attention to Your work within us, thus allowing You to continue. What You do is for us, to open us to divine life, to free us from what hurts us and keeps us static and afraid. Move us to allow You free reign within us so that our light is a full spectrum light, a light full of "God colors" for all to see!

You are not a secret to be kept. Oh, Lord, may all see You!

Empower us, Lord!

2012-02-11T08:59:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Is it time for us to cry out? Who will cry, Lord? We all have sin. Will those to whom we point and cry simply point out our own sin and thus silence us? And did You not say first remove the plank from my own eye before pointing out the sliver in my brother's eye? Can I ever completely remove the plank? And even if I did, could they not point out sins from my past to level the playing field?

Would Jeremiah have stood out so well in today's world, Lord? What could they have dug up on him? And Isaiah? Would they have said depression plagued him? And Ezekiel, oh Lord, they would have labeled him a schizophrenic and locked him up.

Perhaps crying out is not the best way in this age. Perhaps asking is, persistent, educated, supported asking, asking that does not cry "sin" but points to the consequences of the sin -- poverty, frustration, strained relationship, job loss, choices made between medicine and food. Perhaps we can ask oil not to raise prices any more, to lower the price of diesel so truckers find some relief. Perhaps we can all ask drug companies to find more ways to make their wonderful work more accessible and insurance companies to cut their advertising in half in order to lower their prices.

Not all of us can cry out, but all of us can ask -- online, through writing letters, through grouping together and asking through media who come to see what we have gathered for. It's time the masses found their power. Yes, we need their product, but that doesn't mean they can hurt us by charging so much for it.

Motivate us, Lord, to speak out. Help us to find our power not only for ourselves but for those who are hurting more than us, too.

Where are the prophets?

2012-02-10T07:21:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Where are Your prophets today, Lord? Are You calling no one to go stand outside the oil companies and yell at them for these arbitrary hikes in the cost of oil and gasoline? Are you calling no one to bring the banks and the auto industry to task for the record-breaking profits they are enjoying after being bailed out by us? Are You not pointing fingers at superintendents who accept outrageous salaries while their teachers stumble and fall under guidelines and rules and laws that do nothing to help kids and make their jobs impossible?

I hear no one, Lord.

I do hear and see Your pastors and people pose for pictures with corporate heads when they give far less than what they should to what is good. I do hear and see your so-called leaders attend weddings of the rich and famous and sit down to dinner with them, making no challenge to their actions which hurt over 90% of the population.

I hear no one, Lord.

Where's John the Baptist, railing about getting right with You? Where's Peter to insist we leave no one behind? Where's Martin Luther King, Jr. to cry out about prejudice against the poor, the disabled, the mentally ill, the veteran, the immigrant, and still the people of color?

I hear preachers of platitudes. No one's crying out. No one's wailing. No one's climbing up the mountain to cry, Lord?

Or are they? Where's the microphone to help them shout? Where are we to add to their voice? Why are we so easily silenced -- what can I do for I have no platform?

It's time to cry. It's time to shout. Isn't it, Lord?

Deeper into the Kingdom

2012-02-09T07:30:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom." (Matthew 5:10; The Message transl.)

Not too many of us get to claim this beatitude, right, Lord? Or do we? It doesn't just apply when we're persecuted for wearing a cross or made fun of for talking about You. It applies when we do what is right for love of You and suffer for it, yes? If this is the case, then this beatitude is open wide for many of us. I want this to be the case because I do want to be driven deeper into Your kingdom.

When I stick with a job that is hard because I know I'm doing a good thing, and I'm doing it for love of You (even as I make use of Your grace to do it!), I am driven deeper. When I try as a parent as best I can, read all I can, talk to others and pray to be the best parent I can be and suffer for it as parents do, I am driven deeper. When I avoid the easy way out because I know more good is done by taking the hard way, and I do it for love of You, I am driven deeper into Your kingdom.

Therefore, I have to be on watch. If I am driven deeper into Your kingdom, I don't want to miss what I will get to see. I'll get to see You move. I may get to understand things far beyond my mind's ability. I may run into graces enabling and empowering to such an extent that hardships that looked unconquerable before now look doable.

This is life with You, Lord. It is an adventure, an adventure easily missed if we don't go into it with prayer and with eyes wide open! You're just too good to miss, O Mighty and Gentle God!

Part of the Big Bang

2012-02-08T05:40:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family." (Matthew 5:9; The Message transl.)

I don't really like this one, Lord. I don't like it when people are competing and fighting, and I certainly don't like to intervene and try to make peace. But, I've a feeling I'm good at it. (I wish I wasn't.) You've kinda made me like "Everyman," able to relate to a lot of different people, able to see from their viewpoint, able to walk in their shoes with imagination. A lot of times, this just gets me confused, producing a stalemate, but over time, I usually will end up seeing through, with some help from wise friends.

But, Lord, this is where we discover who we really are and our part in your family? Geez, this is making a pretty deal of calming a fight -- as if that's a central calling for Christians? I've never looked at being a peacemaker in quite this way, not as this necessary, not as this revealing of our own identity and place in Your plans.

I guess I just haven't seen my individual part in peacemaking as that big of a deal: I'm not an ambassador; I have no effect to speak of in politics. But, I am a teacher. I am around conflict and discord all the time, both within individual kids (those who refuse to work or waste time) and between kids. I've been ready to give up because of all the talk-back and downright belligerence. I need to trust in You? I need to allow You to work through me and stick it out?

Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori spoke about creation. She reminded us You created Light first, Light in darkness. And, she said, the Big Bang that brought that Light is still continuing. That bringing of Light, Lord, that's continuing through me, yes? Through all of us who have been baptized and charged with Light bringing. No, it's not easy. But it's our place, to show "people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight."

I'm part of the Big Bang. I like that. That puts this peacemaking into perspective: You're behind it, and that's empowering.

Mind and heart put right

2012-02-07T05:46:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when you get your inside world -- your mind and heart -- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world." (Matthew 5:8; The message transl.)

My mind and my heart, Lord. I tell You they are Yours. Are they? I know I spend a lot of time worrying about money. I worry about my kids. I worry about my country and the economy. I worry about how many kids can't seem to make it in school and what are they going to do without an education? I worry about kids who have no one and who are abused.

Do You worry, Lord?

"Do not fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." (Philippians 4:6-7)

So, worry isn't a sign of caring, eh? Look at us, Lord! We think if we walk around with furrowed brow, it means we're concerned, we're caring hard, we're full of concerns! What it really means is we're not coming to You and letting them go (both actions are necessary: coming and letting go). Then, one other action is necessary, too: praise. Praise puts a dance in our step and convinces us You will take care.

This is getting our minds and our hearts put right.

See what I have, Lord; look at all these
A mass of confusion; they do as they please
They push and they pull me; they make my soul weak
I give them to You, Lord, to give back to me.
Order and clean them; remove what's not mine
Plan them and play them; it's Your playbook this time
I promise to take back just what You give
And do what You say, Lord; that's how I will live.

Balance

2012-02-06T06:13:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-ful,' you find yourselves cared for." (Matthew 5:7; The Message transl.)

But, Lord, this doesn't seem right. Often times when I am caring for and about so much, these are the times -- when I stop and take stock -- when I feel least cared for, most overwhelmed and powerless. What is meant here?

This, again, is not simple living. It is not easy to plug myself into You and experience Your care for me. It isn't a glow that follows me easily -- those moments are rare. It is something -- someone, You -- whom I must deliberately make myself aware of and make use of what I know: You care for me. That is when I can let myself fall into Your arms, even when I do not sense Your arms there. Knowledge stumps senses.

Further, the overwhelmed and powerless feelings come from looking at concerns with just me in the vision, instead of You. I'm not the one tackling these things; You are. I need only concentrate on the little part You are calling me to play, and it is my job, then, to let go of the rest except in prayer and allow You to be the God You are.

When we keep these things straight, then caring brings on a power, a rising above because You have it under control, and we can rest in that control.

We care. We pray. We listen. We do what we can in answer to Your call. And if we do not find ourselves cared for, then that is sign we've lost our balance between what we are to do, and what we allow You to be in charge of. Deliberately, mindfully coming to You restores balance and fulfills Scripture: "You're blessed when you care. At that moment of being 'careful,' you find yourselves cared for."

Hungering for God

2012-02-05T06:17:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat." (Matthew 5:6; The Message transl.)

Hungering for You, Lord, is ... well ... it's nice. I say that because the hunger for You knows it will be satisfied.

When I am at my wit's end in my parenting, I hunger for You. When I don't know how to heal relationships, I hunger. When I look at the Middle East, when I think of the pain, the maltreatment, the addictions, the dictatorships in the world, I hunger for You, too. It is overwhelming, forcing me to my knees to look for strength to rise back up...

What is nice, Lord, is hungering for You when things are okay, too. In the early morning when I awake, it is tremendous to feel a longing for You, to slip out of bed and come, just as if I have been called by You -- I have been called. We are all called to answer that primal, innate hunger You have implanted within us.

It is a hunger fueled by knowledge and experience, an attraction much too strong to resist. It is a call for communion with You, for food and drink that is far beyond symbolism, food and drink that transmits divine life. It is invigorating, more-than-sustaining, enabling, empowering me to stand and proclaim with my fellow Daughters of the King: "For His Sake ... I am but one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. What I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do. Lord, what will you have me do?"

Hunger creates hunger. It begins focused on self and ends focused on You and others. Hunger brings us to Your feet to hear You say in answer to Peter, "Feed my sheep." Hunger pushes us to respond with Isaiah, "Here I am, Lord. Send me." Hunger helps us to understand Mary's words, "Do unto me what You have said."

Hunger makes disciples. "Lord, what will you have me do?"

Self acceptance is important

2012-02-04T08:41:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This next beatitude is not an easy one for me. Oh, I might say, "I'm all in, Lord," and I probably do say that most of the time, but then following through is much harder. I want to, but I have trouble doing so.

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are -- no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." (Matthew 5:5; The Message transl.)

We're not supposed to be content with just who we are, Lord. Even You are working on me, now, uprooting, purging, polishing, remember? So ... I'm not understanding what is meant by this beatitude, or is the translation lacking, or what?

I tell young people all the time, be happy in your own skin. Happiness is the most attractive quality a person can have. Ah! Do I believe that? I'm always trying to lose weight. I never want people to see my profile. I wish I had the money for new glasses. I think I'd look really good in more expensive clothes. I wish my weight was distributed a bit differently. I have a weird voice. I don't have any talents other than writing and teaching. I'm not a good cook. And it took me all of thirty seconds to come up with all those criticisms of my self. How long do You think it would take me to come up with an equal word count of complimentary things?

When I am happy with who I am, I shine. We all do. We're comfortable -- even enjoyable -- to be around. I know someone who constantly berates himself. It is emotionally draining to be around him. And another whose self-dislike is more subtle -- he constantly criticizes everything around him, everything. I feel like I have to have protective walls up when I'm around him. But when I'm around people who like themselves, nothing is in the way. Their natural air about them expects me to just as self-accepting, just as happy, just as outward looking as are they, and when I rise to that challenge, it is invigorating the exchanges we can have.

Self acceptance is vitally important. It is empowering and ennabling. It is what allows us to put ourselves aside and focus on others, on issues, on You, Lord. It allows us to have friendships, effective relationships, success in what we do. In allows us to be, in other words, "proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

I'm saying yes

2012-02-03T06:21:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." (Matthew 5:3; The Message transl.)

When I feel I've lost what is most dear to me? Okay, that cannot be a loved one because that isn't a feeling; that would be a knowing. So what is lost in this instance is part of myself, something I consider quite essential to my identity -- and it's something You want, something You've targeted as needing to go, something that must stand in the way of me allowing You to embrace me fully.

Oh, Lord, that's trust, isn't it? That's my guard. That's my tendency to stretch out my arm full-length and turn in a 360 degree circle, making sure nothing gets too close, nothing and no one. When something or someone breaks through that perimeter, I'm seen in a way I don't like -- I might feel as if I've lost something quite dear to me: my ability to protect myself.

How close do we let You come, Lord? When You start messing around with our perceptions, questioning, adjusting, challenging, demanding change here and there, oh, we can have lots of responses. We can talk ourselves out of what You're doing -- it's not really God; I don't have to do this. We can ignore You and get busy, really busy, doing other things. We can say no and just keep You on our periphery. Or, we can say yes and allow You to proceed, trying with all our might to follow Your lead -- sometimes without really understanding just what You're doing, but knowing You are doing something nonetheless.

With me it's trust, and I'm saying yes, especially with the promise of this verse in mind: "Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."

The first beatitude

2012-02-02T06:19:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

The beatitudes, as translated by Eugene Peterson in The Message, are really different. This is the first: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." (Matthew 5:3)

When I'm at the end of my rope, I stop relying on me -- I've got nothing left. That's when total reliance on You, Lord, begins. And that is what You want, yes? That is a careful balance. I say that because I know You want us to employ our minds, our hearts, our ideas, our talents -- but You want us to do so in such a way that You are still in charge. We work for You. You're the CEO. But, Lord, unlike most CEO's down here, Your orders are not clear-cut, laid out, written down for us to follow. We have inklings. We're guided by morality, surely, but even the moral road is often wide and includes many options. It is not easy to know what You want.

Not knowing, not being sure, not having that mind-soothing certainty -- ah! this is the territory of spiritual growth! This is the proving grounds. This is the place You lead us and will keep us for a good long time. This is our forty years in the desert, the preparation for each promised land we get to enter. This is where purging and pruning takes place. Oh, but we shouldn't misunderstand -- the desert isn't bereft of You. In fact, it is where we get to speak with You, get glimpses of You, and learn more about You than at any other time. The desert is where You lead those who are chosen!

So, go ahead, Lord. Put us at the end of our ropes; lead us into the desert. We may not be so comfortable, but You're not a big fan of comfort zones, are You? Make us less of us (our insecurities, our doubts, our complaints) and more of You (our capacities for kindness, understanding, compassion, love).

Smoldering

2012-02-01T06:11:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Look at The Message translation of Matthew 3:11-12: "The main character in this drama ... will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He's going to clean house -- make a clean sweep of your lives."

It is John talking about You.

Lord, You have ignited a fire within me, but I feel like it's smoldering right now. Can You send it into huge flame again? Smoldering stills burns away impurities, yes. And smoldering is slow; it takes time, giving me time to adjust to the change, yes. But, Lord, I like the grand, the big, the enthusiastic, the more-than-willing! This smoldering business is ... well ... I'm still fighting it a bit. I'm in, yes, but I'm not in with great gusto.

But, when I keep my eye on the moment, it is tolerable. Oh, it is more than tolerable; it's just fine. Smoldering is sign of Your care after all. Smoldering means You're polishing and forming me. I say yes to that. I'll not hang my head or feel sorry for myself. You are active in my life, and for that I am grateful.

As You change me though, Lord, I'm a bit confused by just what You want changed. I know this and I know that but I'm not sure how much of this and in what form of that. I trust You do. I'll try my best to dance with You and follow Your lead. I don't want to mess it up or have the outcome be anything other than what You want. You know how hard-headed I can be. You know.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5 -- "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Let's see how The Message translates that one: "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own." I like that, Lord. I'll go with that.

Don't bend the road!

2012-01-31T08:29:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Isaiah said long ago:

Thunder in the desert!
Prepare for God's arrival!
Make the road smooth and straight!
(Matthew 3:3; The Message transl.)

This was echoed by John the Baptist. It still echoes, doesn't it, Lord? It isn't just for Christmas time. This message is for us, for all times. You don't always come gently. Thunder isn't gentle. Thunder is commanding. Isaiah was commanding. So was John. And both were echoing You.

Make the road smooth and straight!

How?

"God doesn't care how I run my business." That's bending the road. "God is for Sundays." That's bending the road. "I don't have time for Bible study." That's bending the road.

Prepare for God's arrival!

You come all the time, don't You, Lord? You come today. How will You find me? Attentive or distracted? Ready to show You what I've done or ashamed of what I haven't done?

What is good is I can start anew at any time. Right now. I can turn toward You and give You my full attention. I can prepare right now. I can make Your road smooth and straight, right into my heart.

God's correction

2012-01-30T06:06:00.002-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this." (Proverbs 3:12)

How do You correct us, Lord? How are we to know it is You, for one, and how are we to know it is correction?

I have watched in my own life a certain prayer rise to the surface within me. I directed this prayer to You, and I allowed a lot of emotion and other baggage to fuel it and make it loud. And I expected You to answer rather quickly. I looked for Your answer because I expected You to comfort me. You did not. The answer I expected did not come and has not come. Instead, another prayer began to rise within me -- a focus on an imperfection I did not want to see. I have spent lots of time dismissing, minimizing, even ignoring this imperfection, making excuses for it, giving reasons to justify it. You will have none of that.

I am uncomfortable, Lord. I am dealing with accusations against You -- You don't care; You don't love me; You're not going to use me. Those are the noisy ones. The messages of peace that float in the background are softer, but more persistent, and they come from Proverbs like the quote above. Yes, this is a time of Your correction.

Oh, joy.

I poke fun, but I will not waste it, Lord. Shower me with grace. This is not easy. It is making my insides knot and twist. When old behaviors want to rush forward, I have to stop them, battling them both mentally and physically. And then I must find myself something else to do in their place. There is plenty, Lord -- what I'm called to do, for one: spend more time using the talents You have given me!

Thank You for this time of discipline, Lord. May I walk away from it in the form You wish (yes, I've been here before and stopped Your attempts to correct and polish). Sustain me here until Your work is done.

"I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands." (Ezekiel 36:25-27; The Message transl.)

Church

2012-01-29T06:46:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

There's a man at my church who said he has never experienced such acceptance and love as he has found in our church community. I can echo his sentiment, Lord, and I am profoundly grateful for it. I am so grateful, in fact, that I will not let anything taint that welcome. Further, I am so grateful for it, I will contribute to the welcome, acceptance, and love others feel from me.

We can attack that, can't we, Lord? She snubbed me. He is so cocky and arrogant. She was talking badly about so and so. Keep me from it! May I not participate in it and take what I do hear with a grain of salt. Impressions can be faulty, and they certainly are fleeting. That one lady whom I judged haughty initially, she has a heart of gold, and I have grown to love her. And when I breeze in all caught up in myself and in my own issues, I know they will greet me with the same love when I return to my outgoing self.

We are sinners and saints interchangeably. We try. We fail. And sometimes we don't even try, so let's be understanding of those who seem like they're intent on being judged negatively, and offer them a nice hello and an outstretched hand. Let's take our faith out of the Bible and realize the hand we reach out with is Yours, not just our own.

And there's the point. When we step out in love, we take steps with Your feet. When we hold, it is with Your hands. When we comfort, it is with Your words. And when we receive You, our transformation takes one more step closer to You, to becoming You, to allowing You breathing space and growing room within us.

It happens everywhere, this transformation. But, just as You said, it really happens at church. That's the place You created for transformation. It starts here. It is fueled here. And it will end here. May we guard it. May we participate in it. May we love it.

A disciplined dance

2012-01-28T08:36:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

My discipline leaves a lot to be desired. I'm supposed to be exercising every day because of my osteoarthritis. Well, I don't. Tom got me a trumpet for Christmas, my favorite instrument, but because I don't sound like Winton Marsalis, I'm not practicing regularly. There's that book I need to read, and that one I need to write. And then there's money and sticking to a budget... Argh.

Are You concerned about this kind of thing, Lord? Well, pain does result from my not doing these things -- I probably cause more pain when practicing the trumpet, but as far as exercising and writing and money goes, frustration and pain does result when I don't practice discipline. But, Lord, I hate schedules. I hate particulars. I love to dance, jump on the spur of the moment, get what I see for so and so, go play for a bit, and be creative, celebratory, fun, and expressive. I am right-brain walking!

Discipline to me is an ugly word. But that's not true, and I need to change my thinking. How, Lord?

My body is a temple for You, and for me to not treat it as I've been told, as I know will result in health, is wrong, and may even be sinful, yes, Lord?

For me to not pay close attention to budgets and money issues is also wrong -- even if I work hard and spend what I think is a small amount, if it hurts our bottom line, then it, too, is wrong, and perhaps sinful.

"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." (Proverbs 12:1)

Geez. Lord.

"He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." (Proverbs 10:17)
I do want to be a good example, Lord, for my kids and for others. Give me grace. Remind me to look at the end result and know that end is being accomplished with each step of discipline I take. Discipline brings harmony and harmony allows the best kind of dancing.

Fully ignited

2012-01-27T07:32:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

You say through the prophet Amos, "Seek me, that you may live." (5:4; NAB). Plenty of people are living --and seem to be living -- just fine without seeking You. What do You mean by this?

Is living without You like inhabiting a mansion and living only in part of it, some rooms off limits and darkened? Since our bodies are Your temples, is there something our bodies could even do with You that we cannot without You? And our minds, Lord, what part do You play in their development, and what is lacking when we limit Your role?

The differences aren't all that obvious, Lord. I see him and he seems just fine without You. He's found a truth in Buddhism, quite an impersonal force, but his discipline is striking. And look at her; she, too, seems to be just fine without You. Her work ethic is strong, and she cares for others deeply. Are You there in them, Your true identity concealed? Have they found You in some part, and a rose by any other name is still a rose?

There are some, Lord, who say if they do not profess Your name, they will not be saved. What I know of love does not profess this. If these would never do harm to another, if these love and give, then it does not make sense that they would be tossed aside because they did not run into an expression of You that caught them. Is that their fault or the fault of us Christians who are doing the evangelizing?

Oh, Lord, what kind of evangelizing are we doing? We who lack discipline and are more prone to point at and condemn than we are to reach out and accept. We who are Your hands, Your mouth, Your feet, Your heart while we remain in our narrow view of things -- what, who are we giving witness to?

Rouse us, Lord, in these deeper things. I want to know what Your presence within us does -- I want to know what it can do. May we remove any obstacles we put on You and allow You free reign within! May we all get to see what a human being fully ignited by You looks like and sounds like. And may we realize, then, that we can be that way, too.

"Seek me, that you may live."

Help my lack of trust

2012-01-26T04:30:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

A friend gave me a book of daily meditations. I forget to read it every day, but yesterday's meditation I did read. In part it says, "At some point in your growing friendship with God, you come to discover a staggering sense of power in prayer." (Alone in God's Presence, Summerside Press)

I know this staggering sense of power. I have been caught up in it. I have come close and felt Your presence; I've been knocked to my knees at Your concern and overwhelming love. But, Lord, I have also withdrawn from You because of a darkness that still exists within me.

There were times in my life, Lord, when I begged You to change my situation, and You did not. There was turmoil and agony that lasted not just for days or weeks or even months, but for years, Lord. And my immature mind attributed to You the same traits I saw in those who caused my agony: You have need of power and control, and You must impress that need upon us by making us wait until we almost break before You will issue a saving hand. This is ugly, Lord, yes, and I am sorry this exists in my mind, but I understand its origin. Now, how do I remove it from You?

This darkness does not enter my daily prayer most of the time. It rears its head only when I come to You in pain, wanting something deeply from Your hand. That is when it comes and nearly forces me to whisper my prayer, push it under the door of Your notice and run away, battling the thoughts that intrude -- He won't answer; He'll make you wait; He'll make you beg. And all the while what I know of You tries to ease these remarks and replace them with truth.

Just this realization will help a great deal, won't it, Lord? Thank You for this. I have known this for years, but I have never spelled it out like this. This takes away a lot of this darkness's power. This is a trust issue, and I know I can trust You. I trust You, Almighty God. Help my lack of trust.

Right here, right now

2012-01-25T06:22:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I was reading the lyrics to a song when I noticed a hesitancy in me. The hesitancy came to mind when I read the third line:

O breathe on me, O breath of God,
until my heart is pure;
until my will is one with Yours,
to do and to endure.

I've felt this hesitancy before, Lord; what is it? The image I get is of me holding onto You but also digging in my heels, not wanting to go the speed the You're going or perhaps the place You're going. Where do I think You're going? What do I think You're going to ask of me? And why do I think it is always going to be giving up food or coffee? Is that common? Do most people fear You will ask of them what they like the most? Or, is it that You will ask of us what we put too much value in, what we comfort ourselves with, so that You become our comfort, our value?

This digging in of my heels is strange, Lord, because I don't know Your will in detail, so why would I be hesitant? I'm anxious to see! I want to know it! I want to grab it with all I have and put all I am into it. But, why is it that I never see where I am right now as Your will? Your will is always something in the future, something You will bring me to eventually. Why do I not see right now as Your will?

It is, isn't it, Lord? Right here. Right now. My church. My work. My home. My children. My husband. My friends. These are Your will. And I am pouring all I am into it. So perhaps this hesitancy is a reminder to stop looking forward, stop straining to see ahead and just stay right here, doing what I'm doing, trying to do it better ... for You.

This is Your will.

Consent to change

2012-01-24T06:21:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Deacon Gordon Samra preached Sunday. He said, "The essence of following Jesus is the willingness to be transformed." I always like hearing such things. I do want to be transformed, and I know I have been. But the Reverend Deacon also said, "At this present moment, the status quo is no longer sufficient - at least, not for those who want to call themselves Christian." Transformation isn't over; it is ongoing. Am I allowing You, Lord, to move on with me?

I've been baptized, confirmed. I've had moments I'd call being born again. My heart and mind have soared in response to Your presence - all that is in the past. All that is big, momentous, profound. Surely, transformation takes place in those impacting events. But, Lord, I can walk away from those and just go right back to what I was doing, just like Peter went right back to fishing after You left. You had to come again and nudge him: "Peter, do you love me? ... Feed my sheep."

Do You, Lord, visit each one of us and ask the same? Have we gone back to the same-old living, dropping You at the door of our work, our homes, our relationships, even our selves? We forget we can make You our default background, our eternal presence, the One who walks with us all the time. We forget You are in our now;You want to be transmitted when we talk to our spouse, our friend, our son, our daughter, the cashier, the garbage collector, the letter carrier, the driver next to us. Yes, that is where true transformation takes place and carves deep lines within us, creating new habits of response and action in our day to day.

The more I put myself "in the mind of Christ," the easier I see what You are doing with me, and the more I can participate and work with You. It is not easy. Sometimes You ask for things I think I don't want to give,but once the giving has been done, then I see how easy it was, how worth the consequences. If I pray often, participate at church, listen to preaching, read Your Word, receive You in Holy Communion, then I see Your action within me. As Deacon Gordon said, "We become more ... fully what we have been created to be."

Make me who I am supposed to be, Lord. Tune me in to the work of Your transformation. Allow me to participate and not hinder Your work. May I hear You ask me, "Kelley, do you love me?" May I answer not only with my voice but with my consent to the changes You want to make within me.

Words

2012-01-23T06:06:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Don Miguel Ruiz has written a book called The Four Agreements based on Toltec wisdom. One of these precepts is Be impeccable with your word. This is an echo of Proverbs 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (ESV).

Our words are powerful, Lord, yet how often we throw them around without thinking. We go on and on about this and that, without giving thought to what our listeners might need to hear. Conversely, we listen haphazardly, missing perhaps what our speaker is really trying to convey to us.

The words we choose are tools, building materials to take up or tear down. And we all know, our words can do just that. How often has what another said meant so much to us? How often has something we read been just what we needed? How often have You put us with another who needed our perspective on a problem? We all know this, Lord.

Being impeccable with our word also means to be dependable. We should not say what we do not mean. We must not promise unless we follow through. Our words represent us, yes, but, Lord, if we are Yours, then our words represent You too.

Help us, Lord, to be impeccable with our word. May we choose them carefully. May we listen intently. May we follow through.

"For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37)

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

God never lets go

2012-01-22T07:28:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

The David Crowder Band sings a song called "You Never Let Go":

When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul ...

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go ...

This song is loud in my mind this morning, Lord. Why? Disaster has not come, at least not to me. And even though I'm not in a great place, I wouldn't say clouds are veiling the sun, at least not for me. But I'm not concerned with just me, am I, Lord? I am part of Your Body, and, without doubt, there are members who are dealing with disaster right now.

Lord, have mercy.

I will bring them with me to church this morning, Lord. I will lift these up to You and ask Your grace for them. May they know Your presence and trust in Your promise to never leave them (Matthew 28:20). Remind us all that following You does not mean disaster is averted, clouds do not come, waters never rise and hope never takes flight. But following You does mean You are faithful, and You will never let go of us.

Christ, have mercy.

We Christians have a role to play, a hope to show forth. We cannot be ones who complain -- complaining has no faith. We cannot be ones who hang our heads for things that happen in our world, for we follow You who have conquered the world (John 16:33). Oh, we may be sad, disappointed, shocked at the evil we encounter, but we cannot allow that sadness, that disappointment, that shock to remain for long, and it will not once we turn ourselves toward You, Lord.

Lord, have mercy.

Praise be to You, Lord. You never let go.

We are afraid

2012-01-21T07:12:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Eugene Peterson writes: "Unused to living beyond ourselves, out of control, by faith, the great danger is that we timidly retreat to the kind of religion that we can manage."

Are we afraid of You, Lord?

We have compartmentalized You. Put You on a shelf we go to on Sundays. We've effectively barred the door to Your movement in our daily lives. Ah, but You won't be contained, will You? We will have to do much more than bar a door to keep You in one place. You defy the shelf, the corner, even a portion of our selves. You demand all, and You will get all.

Yes, we are afraid.

"Proclaim the power of God, whose majesty is over Israel, whose power is in the skies. You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!" (Psalm 68:34-35; NIV)

Peterson: "There is a reckless indiscriminateness about salvation. There are no fine distinctions about who or what or when -- the whole lost world is invaded, infiltrated, beckoned, invited, wooed: 'for God so loved the world that he gave his only Son.'"

In the face of such sacrifice, we are afraid. But this fear is one we must embrace with an equal recklessness. It is one we must embrace like the child running into her parent's arms standing in the vast waters of a pool. Only then will we begin to see the immensity of You, an immensity we sensed before and hid from, but now that bathes and bids us on.

No, we don't want a religion we can manage. We want You. Fear and all, we want You.

Politics

2012-01-20T07:28:00.002-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

It's so easy to jump on the wagon when others are calling names, pointing fingers, talking about another's foibles. We agree or disagree, compare and contrast, run others across the stage of our criticisms, and debate whether or not each is worthy of our approval. How ugly all this is.

It happened to Newt Gingrich last night. His alleged desire for an open marriage came up, and he tried to shame the man who asked the question, he who began impeachment proceedings against Bill Clinton for similar immoralities. He pointed and criticized and now he is being pointed at and criticized. How ugly all this is.

Politics is an ugly world. It is ruthless and, I do believe, it allows itself to go where it should not go. Politics pretends to look for the sinless one when it -- and we -- know very well there is no such one to be found. It sneaks into personal lives and acts surprised when sin is found and puts that sin center stage for all to see.

We're not looking for sinless ones to run our governments. We're looking for common sense, for the ability to put another first, the wisdom to compromise without throwing away principle. We're looking for someone who tries to do what he or she thinks is best, someone who listens, someone who will not give up or give in when our commonly shared values are at stake.

We don't want someone who calls names or points fingers, so we had better stop doing so ourselves.

Lord, there is a lot at stake in our country right now. Open our minds. Motivate us to work for what is right and just and good for all.

God-seeking

2012-01-19T05:38:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your Word implies You will not be found easily, Lord:

"Those who seek me diligently find me." (Proverbs 8:17; NRSV)

"When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)

"From there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find him if you search after him with all your heart and soul." (Deuteronomy 4:29)

What is the difference between seeking and seeking diligently? What is the difference between searching and searching with all my heart? With mere seeking, I suppose I don't care too much whether I find or not. It's an "oh well" type of search before I go on to other things. I do not invest myself in such seeking. But to seek with all my heart, I am invested; it matters whether I find or not. There is a desperation in my looking. I want to find.

I was speaking to a group of kids once, and I suddenly told them I had lost an earring. Immediately they began the search! I smiled as I watched them intently looking. Each wanted to be the one to find it. Each had invested himself or herself in the seeking. Each wanted to be the one to make me smile upon finding it. I told them, then, that was how intently they were to search for You, Lord.

Seeking does something inside of us, doesn't it, Lord? It messes with our priorities. It makes what does not really matter to us fall to the wayside. It puts what we truly desire in specific relief. Seeking nourishes hunger, and if we seek diligently, our hunger grows.

This is not to imply our seeking goes without finding at any point. For us to even find the desire to seek You means we have already been visited by Your Spirit, yes, Lord? It is Your own Spirit within us who cries out and begins our search. And we will see, sometime in the future, as we look back upon our search, how You fed us along the way. You are a loving God!

Triumphs must be chosen

2012-01-18T06:31:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Wasn't it Emerson who said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen"? I like this, Lord.

I have seen a lot of violence, a lot of tragedy, a lot of hate, a lot of illness, a lot of confusion. But I sit here having risen above it all with no other explanation than You. Oh, the violence, the tragedy, the hate is much more concrete: I can point to it, take pictures of it, show scars, and gather witnesses. Triumphing over it is much harder to document, but, again, my sitting here is undeniable. This I see. This I know.

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen."

At any time, I could choose to focus on the violence. I could go over and over it, allow my anger to build, take in the violence I see on the news and let that build. I could focus on others' pain without considering Your movement in their lives, without seeing their triumphs. I could let this focus color my perception and pull me down into bitterness and, ultimately, disbelief in what I know, in what I've experienced. Triumphs must be chosen. Triumphs must be lived out. Satan will try to take our eyes off what is more difficult to see.

Why is it easier, Lord, to nurse our wounds and hide than it is to recognize they are healed (or healing) and live? Why is anger easier?

I love Your command in Revelation, "Come up here," (4:1; 11:12). You call us to live on a higher plane, to see what is not readily visible, to claim You and Your movement in our lives, for what is more real -- hate or triumph over hate? What is more enduring? What is more life-giving?

Oh, Lord, pour out Your grace upon us! Give us the courage, the wherewithal to choose to see, to live on the level to which You have called us and enabled us. With Bartimaeus, may we all shout, "Lord, I want to see!" (Mark 10:51)

Nothing random about it

2012-01-17T06:29:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm reading a book on evolution, trying to understand why scientists are so absolutely convinced things happened the way Darwin explained. It is very interesting. The author's conjecture, however, that no higher being was behind the processes by which the world -- and life -- came about because of its utter randomness is faulty. You are smart enough to set in motion a chain of events that will result in human life. It may appear random; it is anything but.

We can apply this same supervision to the seeming randomness in our lives. If we trust in You and follow in Your way, we know You are in control. This concept may seem faulty to some, especially when we see tragedy go unchecked, cancer claim the life, and the children still die from hunger. But, we cannot judge Your movement in those lives, Your grace flooding those involved, Your comfort, strength, peace enfolding them. Nor can we deny how You use tragedy to bring blessing. There is a guiding hand, and, yes, all things will work toward the good. This world belongs to You after all.

"Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast."
Psalm 139; NRSV

"Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouses nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!" (Luke 12:24; NRSV)

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? ... Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place...? (Job 38:4, 12; NRSV)

True, we shudder at the forces we see in our world -- earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes. We are in awe at the power of wind and water. We might say these forces are random, yet we know they are not. We can predict them. We have discovered the cycles, the patterns, the natural order of this world. And we will discover more as we study more, especially with Your direction.

There is nothing random about creation. We are not caught in some erratic power. "The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it." (Psalm 24:1; NRSV)

Understanding God

2012-01-16T07:24:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I like comparing Bible translations. The first Bible I ever had was given to me by my CCD (the Roman Catholic version of Sunday school, which often did not occur on Sundays; mine was on Wednesdays) teacher Bernadette Crowe when I was 11. Bless her, Lord. This Bible opened up the world of You to me. It's an NAB, New American Bible.

Flipping through it is fun. I can see what verses impacted me then, from the time I was 11, through my years in the convent, up until I worked for Our Sunday Visitor and began looking through the different translations they had on their shelves. I found out about the Jerusalem Bible with its rather poetic translation. I found out the Common English Version is good for kids. And I watched as the Roman world set aside the NAB and took up the NRSV, the New Revised Standard Version. All my favorite verses were going to change a bit. I was saddened by this, but I welcomed the insight a twist on the language would bring. I began collecting Bibles; I now have 17 very special ones, in 13 different translations. They remind me You cannot be fully known. They remind me how different we all are, and that's okay.

For instance, Lord, I read John 8:23 in all the translations except for the NAB. Most have wording very similar to this: "You are from below, I am from above; you are of this world, I am not of this world." (NRSV) I love how the NAB translated Your words:

"You belong to what is below;
I belong to what is above.
You belong to this world --
a world which cannot hold me."

I see the parallel construction of all the other translations: You are/ I am; You are/ I am. But the NAB breaks this parallelism, which makes its last line all the more impacting: "a world which cannot hold me." This version leaps from repeating the concept "I am not of this world" and explains why You are not of this world -- our world cannot contain You. We cannot measure You. We cannot get our arms around You. We cannot figure You out so as to set You in Your place or put You aside once we "get it."

You don't fit here, do You, Lord? And that is what is so scary about grabbing hold of You. We will leave the boundaries of what we know and what we're comfortable with. You are incomprehensible but that does not mean we should not begin our comprehension. Just the opposite: we should make our lives about understanding You.

I love all my Bibles, Lord. They represent our desire to know You, to see You from slightly different angles. They remind me that I cannot exhaust the meaning of any verse, for You are so far beyond. And that, strangely enough, is immensely comforting.

Seeing God

2012-01-15T08:20:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Seeing You is a strange thing. Adam and Eve saw You. Abraham is said to have seen You (Genesis 17:1-4). Jacob wrestled with You (Genesis 32). Moses got to talk to You, and You appeared to Solomon, too. But, also weaved throughout the first testament is this admonition: no one can see You and live (Exodus 33:20; Isaiah 6). So, You turn your back to Moses, telling him, "But you won't see my face" (Exodus 33:23; The Message).

I've always thought I've understood this: seeing Your face is just too much for our physical human bodies to contain. It would, quite literally, "blow our minds." You know, like when we get the feeling that comes with understanding something we've struggled forever with, or the feeling of an overwhelming realization -- that almost heart-stopping sensation -- except, with seeing Your face, our hearts would stop.

So, Lord, what did Adam and Eve see? What did Abraham see? And what did Jacob train his eyes on while wrestling with You? Did they literally get to see part of You? Did You make visible a part of yourself for this sighting?... Or, was this metaphor? Was Your presence so comprehensible to them, though unseen, that using words like "see" and "sight" were just applicable? And, if this is the case, Lord, are You as comprehensible to us as You were to them? Or, have we pushed You back, so to speak, with our centuries-old belief that they literally saw and we simply cannot (therefore we do not try)?

What if we learned that You are as available to us as You were to Adam and Eve, to Moses, to Abraham? What if we all just started talking in those same terms. Instead of saying, "While praying today, it occurred to me I could start a bible study for kids at church," we said, "While walking with God this morning, He told me to start a bible study for kids"? Oh, sure it could get lively -- especially if someone else said, "While walking with God this morning, He told me not to start a bible study for kids," but it would bring You into our lives in our a whole new way. Maybe that would be good?

You lead some of us to that point anyway, though they might not describe it quite like this. You hang heavy in our air, and many do develop [grow? realize? discover?] a keen sensitivity to You.

You, Lord, said, "I will make my goodness pass right in front of you" (Exodus 33:19). May we see You, Lord. May we see You.

No face-to-face

2012-01-14T05:45:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm sitting here looking at this Bible and that Bible, this pile of papers, that book I've opened once but haven't gotten back to. I'm waiting for something to grab me; I'm waiting for You to speak as I stay here on the periphery as I call it. Yes, the periphery. I've always imagined me and You like this: You're in Your "room," and I'm just on the outside, by the door, waiting for orders. I get the orders and run with them. I don't stop to see You or converse; I just get to peek in long enough to hear You say one thing and then I'm off. That's how it's always been. That's how I like it. That's how I've figured it will just be, between me and You.

Other people? Oh, there are a lot right in that room with You. I suppose You're deciding big things, big directions, massive plans. There are a lot of people, too, not in the room and not in the hallway. They have You in some corner, and they get You out every once in a while, I guess. But, I don't pay much attention to who is where in this imagined "placement," just me and You -- and there is no face-to-face.

When I was a teenager, I remember imagining me following You when You were here. I followed then in much the same way, on the periphery. I was close enough to see You, hear You, marvel at You, but never close enough to touch, and never close enough for You to single me out. Sometimes I would think about Your eyes coming to rest on me, but I don't remember any specifics after that. It wasn't meant to be. This is my place. After all, when you get to see the edge of miracles, that's enough, right?

I told myself when I get older, I'll peek in more. I'll even try to go in and see what happens. But, that hasn't happened. I don't want to go in, Lord. If I stay just out here then You can't disappoint me. You can't hurt me. You can't do something that would make my whole world fall apart. [When you come from a life of abuse, you get like this I guess; I just didn't think I had it applying to You, too, Lord.]

So, what now? Oh, I can wonder if You will invite me to come into that room (there's no door). Or, I can just go back to what's comfortable and ignore all that I've written here. Which will it be?

The Hebrew Scriptures

2012-01-13T07:49:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Whenever I hear someone of great intellect criticize or make fun of the Hebrew Testament, I cringe. This testament formed Jesus' view of You. This testament reveals You and is meant to reveal You, yes, even despite the brutality, the sin, the inconsistency, and the seeming silliness.

Oh, but it is not silly. It is a reflection. Who would say in our day and age we are not brutal, we are not sinful, we are not inconsistent, we are not silly? These attributes of this reading do not fall on You; they fall on us, and aptly so.

Even if the battles and stonings and burnings and throwing into pits were real 2000 years ago, we can profit by them now as metaphor, for what was done to that police officer here in Fort Wayne last month qualifies for a battle. And what the media and others do to political candidates is tantamount to a stoning. We are still lighting matches; we are still throwing each other into pits. Why, there's nothing outdated about the Hebrew Scriptures at all.

Let them argue until they're blue in the face about whether or not Jonah was literally swallowed by a whale, I don't care. What I do care about is that story's application. Jonah was running from his duty. Jonah was, like Cain, refusing to "keep" his brothers. You will not let us run from our responsibilities. If we do, bad things will swallow us. But even in the midst of those bad things, You are. And You watch over and will bring us to safety if we trust in You and want to amend our lives and learn from our missteps.

Again, let them argue about the flood. I see the complexity of my sin, the lengths I can go to in order to avoid seeing it as sin. I can ignore the signs of coming calamity brought on by my sin. I can ignore the safety nets God weaves for those around me whose eyes are open. As the water rises 'round me, I can turn to that floating ark at any time -- but the longer I wait, the harder it will be to (give in and) climb in. In the end, rainbows will be seen.

I may get sick of all those around me. I may develop this "rugged individualism" and see myself as separate from others. But reading these books, the message hits from all sides -- I was made from the rib of him; I am my brother's keeper; prophets don't speak to individuals but to communities; and even You, Lord, are Trinity.

And do I make fun of all the rules, the laws, the stipulations? Oh, how these must have tested Your patience, Lord, but You allowed them to be written, just as You allowed them to appoint a king. [How large are the books of our laws!?] We humans take baby steps, even when Your grace enables us to leap.

Thank You, Lord, for the wisdom spilling from the Hebrew Scriptures. May we continue to look for and find its gold, its golden reflection of You.

Beyond my scope

2012-01-12T07:33:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Often times, I think, critics of "religion" take their criticism too far and fall off the believing in You boat. They begin the bout with the hypocrisy accusation, gain steam with the personal sin of certain Christians, and drive it home with the "I'm just too smart for this Bible stuff" line of thinking. They start back-stepping, forgetting to converse with You in their disappointments and soon enough they've dropped connection with You altogether.

It is heartbreaking to me. Is it heartbreaking to You, Lord?

No? Those who think and sort and ponder and read -- You have no problem with, do You? You who are truth and light, You have no intention of having Your word missed. You propose this; You counter with that, and the line of rationale planned is far beyond my scope.

I am one of many who drops seeds, but I am not the seed, and I am not in charge of what grows when the seed opens. I can only live the life You have given me, share the stories of my own burning bushes and times of walking on water, and then I have done my part. You are in charge of the rest; I have no say in what that looks like or what language or color or form or story line it takes. Your wisdom rules. And I marvel at it.

Make of me a better Christian, Lord. Purge me of selfishness and sin so nothing I do leads anyone away from You. And remind me, too, of how vast You are and how many paths lead Your way. For You are a jealous God; You will not allow fad or foe, foible or any font of wisdom to steal a human heart away from You.

Amen. Amen.

Revelation and politics

2012-01-11T06:08:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

The primaries are going on. All this posturing and bellowing and acting as if the world will turn 'round if so and so is elected but will turn dark and ugly if so and so is elected. Argh!

I am reminded of Revelation and what it teaches us about politics. We are at war and politics wants us to think it is the battleground; it is not. Revelation shows us the loud and boisterous beasts of land and sea, the dragon who chases us. Surely these things will take our attention -- and they want to take our attention, all of our attention so that we have no time, nor mind to give to what is truly essential: worship. Politics is not where our power is. Our power lies in our worship of You.

The battle is waging. The seven seals are opening, and we read: "there was silence in heaven for about half and hour." (Revelation 8:1) Heaven is not curtailed in the least by our politics, nor is it slowed by the battles we face. Our battles pale and slither away in Your presence: this is what we must remember.

Politics is important -- every human interaction is important. But, our politics, as Eugene Peterson points out in Reversed Thunder, his pivotal walk-through of the book of Revelation, must be informed by three things: our worship, our listening to Your word preached, and our practice of holy living. If our politics is informed by these three things, then we can be assured we have our priorities in order. If not, then we give way for evil and misunderstanding to enter in. If not, then we just might be led to believe politics is more important than it really is.

Many are hurting now due to our economy. It is no one person's fault. We must all take responsibility for it and do what we are able to ease the suffering and increase the good. And this is not done nearly as well as by how we vote as it is in how we live in Your presence.

A moment of impact

2012-01-10T07:39:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Yesterday I got to tell third graders a story about You. Lord, one boy was transfixed. He stared at me as if my words were going to determine the course of his life. That's when I knew it wasn't me who was really communicating with him; it was You. You were sliding in on my words and enlightening every cell in his young mind. And I got to see that and participate in that. Thank You, Lord.

There are times for every person, yes, Lord? Times when You speak loudly and clearly? Times when You will impact each of Your people, leaving them the choice to listen or not. I don't understand why some do not listen and allow Your impact to flood their entire being. Do obstacles outside of them distract them? And do You mark the time when You will come each person's way again?

I don't know what determines the impact You have on me. Sometimes You come and I am overwhelmed. At other times, I have to search, to stretch, to strain to see and hear You. Is it me or You? Are You not always available, unchanging, filling our natural order with Your presence?

"God is always available to those who are available" writes a blogger on christianwriters.com. But then I recall Scripture: "you hid your face; I was dismayed" (Psalm 30:7). I understand our own sin can make finding You difficult. We put things we want, we put ourselves in front of You and then find it hard to see around what's in our way to catch sight of You. Oh, Lord, what determines that profound impact?

I guess I do believe You purposely back up, so to speak, sometimes, but only for our own good. You make us search harder, keener. This sharpens our vision and gives us time to shed baggage that just might hinder how well we see You. The time gives us space to consider our baggage and realize we'd rather have You than it -- myriad things, addictions, so-called comforts, fears even. We shed them one by one, exchanging them for grace along the way as we search.

Thank You, Lord, that we can find You. Thank You, Lord, for finding us. Impact us, Lord. Come loud and long. Buzz in our ears and tear our eyes. Rumble before us. May none of us miss seeing You.

"Aha" moments

2012-01-09T06:09:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"Epiphany is that moment when we recognize who Jesus is," Father Tom proclaimed in his sermon yesterday. The Church points out the epiphanies in Scripture -- the visit of the Magi, Your baptism, Your transfiguration, times when Your identity is clear and all earth takes pause to consider the consequences. But, as Father pointed out, this feast goes beyond the times of Scripture and has effect upon our lives as well. Epiphany is our "Aha" moment. Each of us is to have an epiphany or epiphanies when we recognize who You are, Lord, and that recognition is meant to have profound and lasting effects.

Soon, Lord, we will read about Your question to the disciples -- Who do you say that I am? That moment, too, is meant to leap through time to each of us, and we cannot merely form words from rote. No, You will ask, Who am I to you? and our knowledge of Your divinity will mix with our own experience of You as we try to form an answer, knowing You want not only words but actions in response.

Yes, Lord, You are ... God. Yes, Lord, You are answer to my deepest needs, my deepest longings. You are giver of my spouse, my children, my life. You are vanquisher of the things that haunt me. You are the door of recovery, the way, the truth, the light -- no, You are my way, my truth, my light.

Light. Light is necessary for epiphanies. The Church chooses gold as the color for the season following Epiphany. She does this because it symbolizes light. May this truly be a season of light, Lord, when we come to see better, understand more, and with our whole being proclaim with Peter, "You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!" (Matthew 16:16; NASB)

A striking effect

2012-01-08T07:13:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Today we celebrate Your Epiphany, Your revelation, in Greek, Your striking appearance. Today, in our readings, You are baptized by John, and upon coming out of the waters, the Father proclaims, "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:17; ESV)

Epiphany means the manifestation of a deity. You are first recognized as such by the Magi. Now, this second revelation, this second striking appearance occurs on Your baptism.

It is strange that this manifestation occurs so early in Matthew's gospel. It makes me wonder, Lord, who heard it and what effect did it have on those who heard? A few of John's disciples began following You. What about the others, Lord? Like Mary, did they "ponder these things" (Luke 2:19) in their hearts? And, is this what we are to do -- ponder this scene, mull it over, ask and ask again what it has to do with our lives?

This proclamation, this striking appearance, provides the backdrop of Matthew's gospel. All else that happens is informed by this manifestation. When You have the audacity to cleanse the temple, any criticism of You is tempered by "This is my beloved Son..." When You rail at the Pharisees, the reader recalls, "... in whom I am well pleased." As You challenged injustice and sin, this epiphany revealed Your authority to do so.

As I ponder this, Lord, I think of our ability to put aside who You are and the challenge Your identity means for us. For, if God himself came down to earth to live a life of 33 years, then it is clear: this life means to teach, this life means to manifest, and our lives are meant to follow, to ponder, to imitate to the best of our ability. This striking appearance is meant to have a striking effect on each of us.

Finding God

2012-01-07T11:44:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I've got nothing. My mind is bouncing here and there, going through what I have to do, what I want to do, what I need to remember for tomorrow. I'm reading Your word and nothing is popping out at me. I'm sitting here listening ... and nothing. Where are You, Lord?

Oh, I know You are right here, but usually something about You, something in Your word grabs me and takes off. I'm waiting to be caught. I've got my arms outstretched, ready and willing for Your wind to come and grab me ... but it isn't happening today.

What am I doing wrong? I suspect nothing. I suspect You are still there, just above me, just outside my reach, but why? Will You not intrude upon this chaos in my mind? My mind races on despite Your word, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10; NIV).

Knowing You are God means knowing nothing has changed between us. Knowing You are God means You are still here and my feelings, my thoughts, my disposition -- however chaotic and detached -- do nothing to change that fundamental truth.

But this does beg the question, God: why do some people reach for You and not find You? She looked for You for years. She served. She gave. She prayed. But, God, she left and now does not believe. Why, God? Why couldn't she reach You, You who can bridge any gap, yes? Why did You not bridge that one? Was it something in her? Some doubt? Some fear You could not get around?

Oh, God, help us to know. Lead us to lay out a map showing the myriad ways to reach You. Help us to name those things in us that keep You at bay. Give us instructions detailing how to dismantle these obstacles so that all can come to You and know how meaningful, how rich life is with You.

Unseen renewal

2012-01-06T07:55:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I do feel better this morning, Lord, thank You. I was deliberate yesterday in noticing all that is good, all that is a blessing, and I slept much better, too.

This is the time of year when many people feel depressed. From now until springtime can be hard. Well, I have my prescription: be mindful of the good, express gratitude for what we have, continue to read Your word and pray, and reach out to others in friendship and in service. Be deliberate about it: do what we know is right, not what we feel like doing, in these down times.

Here in Indiana, the trees are bare, the ground is bare, colors are browns and grays. We may long for the greens, the reds, the pinks, the oranges to return, but there is message in what we see now. Even though what we see is dull, there is life brimming inside, unseen to our eyes, but not to Your eyes. This time is necessary for the life cycle. This time is necessary for the later reds, pinks, and oranges that will follow. One cannot be without the other.

We cannot miss this message, we who take our running and walking outdoors into the gym and bundle up to keep our same schedules. We cannot -- should not -- burn our wicks at both ends. We must designate time to come away with You and just be...

And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest" (Psalm 55:6).

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31).

There are times when we need more of You than we allow ourselves to get while engaging in our 60-mile-per-hour lifestyles. It is not so much that You refuse to give as we speed by as it is the tiny apertures we offer you when we are focused on so many things. But, when we stop and drop all to turn fully toward You, that is when our openings relax and expand, ready and willing to soak You in, ready and willing to listen and allow You to make of us the people we are meant to be.

This is that time. Lord, even as life continues to speed by, teach us how to make time for You, to come away by ourselves with You, and participate in that unseen renewal that is brimming all around us.

Restore Your joy, Lord

2012-01-05T09:50:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm sure there were times when You just didn't want to move forward, yes? Times when You just wanted it all to go away and leave You alone? How did You handle those, Lord? How did You handle it when things just didn't seem to mean much? Did Your sinlessness keep You from feeling this way? I hope not, because I need some advice. I want my enthusiasm to return. I want our mountains to look more like hills. I want to be motivated to tackle problems, not walk -- or run -- around them.

I walk through the flower fields of Your word, but their comfort and their power seem to slip right past me, as if all of a sudden I am impenetrable to Your grace. That cannot be, so what is it, Lord? Empower me!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful." (John 14:27)

If that peace is within my reach -- and I do believe it must be -- then why can't I grasp it right now? Is there something here You need me to name, some anchor, Lord, that I must be deliberate about throwing off? Show me, Lord.

There is beauty around me and so much good. I will be deliberate in noticing, in acknowledging, and in giving thanks.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:12)

Seeing God is no miracle

2012-01-04T06:05:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Okay, Lord. We're off and running. New job. New direction, so why am I feeling the urge to dig in my heels? Don't I want to fly with You? I have no doubt You have brought this about, so why am I not embracing it with gusto? If we each believe You have brought us to this morning, this day, this very moment, why are we not expectant, awake, alert to You, ready with Samuel to say, "Here I am"?

Who of us, were You here in front of us right now, would deny You if You were to say, "Go teach over there," or "please do that laundry," or "just listen to her for a while," or "clean," or "solve," or "compute," or "pick up"? Not only would we go but we would do so with a kick in our step.

You are telling us to do these things. You have brought each of us to this moment. But, there is another component to this exchange we must consider as well: we do not go alone to teach, to do laundry, to listen, to solve, to compute, to pick up. We take You with us. That is a reality. We are Your body, Your hands, Your feet whether we are doing things we consider mundane or things holy.

I know I want to live on the plane of the miracle. I want to see You, Lord. Why do I equate those two things? As if seeing You is a miracle? Seeing You should be an everyday affair. There is nothing miraculous about it; seeing You should be our status quo. Coaxing You out of others should be our habit. Allowing You to use our minds, our hearts, our voices, our bodies should be a dance we're all so very used to. Watching You make of each of us what we are meant to be wherever we find ourselves, this is our true vocation.

It is up to us to ignore it or to acknowledge and work/play with it, for it is already so very real.

The creation of reality

2012-01-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Eugene Peterson writes: "Being involved in the creation of reality like this takes endless patience and attentiveness...." To what reality does he refer, Lord? The reality of the "plot of salvation" where "every word, gesture, and action has a significant place in the story."

Yes, You have accomplished our redemption, but it is ongoing; we are filling in the "in-between," the time from when You came and the end of time. You have assured us of Your kingdom coming; we are the vehicle upon which it will come, not entirely, of course, thanks to You, but largely so. I am the vehicle bringing (or not bringing) Your kingdom to every person I meet today. That makes my minutes, my interactions -- even at the gas pump -- highly important.

Oh, I know the profound effects of even a smile. I've experienced the saving grace of a greeting, a glance, a touch, an embrace, a joke, a thank you. There is nothing mundane about our days, even if spent huddled over a washer and dryer while the kids run this way and that, even if spent fixing others' messes at home or at work, even if we are in an environment where Your word and Your name are not exchanged. Still, You can be and are our fuel, our energy, the light behind our eyes, the reason we reach out and care, and that will not be missed.

Oh, Lord, I do not wear a collar to make others think of You. I do not have Your name written on my forehead, but I want people to know it is because of You that I am even here, it is because of You that I smile, it is because of You that I have the tremendous blessings I have in husband, children, home, and friends. I am so very grateful and happy to be part of your plot of salvation. I glory in the underlying patience and attentiveness I feel as I watch You work through me, around me, and sometimes, I'm so sorry, in spite of me.

Show us how important our interactions are, Lord. We have the opportunity to bring You upon our words, our actions. That is miracle. That is powerful. That is ... reality.

Turning toward faith

2012-01-02T06:16:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Okay, Lord, I'm watching this new show -- A Gifted Man. It's about this successful -- and gifted -- doctor who is being called to work, at least part time, for the poor for no pay. He is afraid to let go to the call. The call is persistent, and he is answering, bit by bit, but he's fighting it, too.

Many of us are afraid to let go to the call. Some of us aren't sure if the call is really there -- will You support us if we embark on this or that service? Some of us are afraid to serve for nothing, especially when our own family isn't doing so well in that arena -- shouldn't we be using this extra time to look for more paid work? Some of us are just afraid of the environments where need resides -- it makes us uncomfortable; it takes our confidence away. Some of us downplay the effect of one person's efforts and convince ourselves service would be a waste of our time. And some of us are afraid we don't have what it takes to stick it out and be of good service.

Many of us are afraid to let go to the call.

How, Lord, do we separate the fear from the call?

Some scholars would point out the depravity of man and assure us we could not even want to serve were it not for Your Spirit within us making the cry to do so. Others will tell us we cannot find out if we can walk on water unless we are willing to get out of the boat. Still others will say if we wait until our assignments from You are clear, we will most likely miss our opportunity, for You teach in ambiguity, mold in uncertainty, speak in the gray, not in the black and white. And others will remind us to whom the voice of doubt and fear belongs -- and it is not from You.

Fear and faith are incompatible, Connie taught me years ago. Her words have stuck with me because they are of You. Time for me -- for us -- to stop giving so much attention to the fear and turn toward the faith.

God's new year resolution

2011-12-31T09:58:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

It's the last day of 2011. Tonight a lot of people will celebrate together the new year. They will be thankful for the blessings of this past year -- or they might be glad it's over, and welcome the promise and hope inherent in celebrating the new year.

I am hopeful, Lord. I want 2012 to bring this blessing and that blessing. I want this to happen. I don't want that to happen again. I want health. I want success. I want happiness.

What do You want, Lord? What do You want, and how can I give You what You want?

You want life to be easier on her and on him. You want this one to reach out to that one. You want more sharing, more caring, more sacrifice for the other. You want less talk and more listening. You want less fear and more trust...

And as I name all these things, I see them as separate from me, as if I'm just fine doing what I'm doing. Am I just fine, Lord?

After You rose, Peter went back to doing what he'd always done, fishing. You came to him.

"Peter, do you love me?"

"Yes, Lord, I love you."

"Feed my sheep." (John 21:15ff)

A second time You asked him. A third time, before it hit him -- this isn't over. This is just begun. Your people are hungry, and they are hungry in all kinds of ways. You speak to each of us, "Feed my sheep." And we are to do so in every creative way we can think of, using every talent You have given us.

This is indeed a new year. A time to evaluate how we have been serving You, and a time to renew our efforts, try something new, break out of our molds and do all we can do fulfill Your new year's resolution: Feed my sheep.

Kingdom coming

2011-12-30T07:48:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your kingdom is right here, isn't it, Lord? Your kingdom lies at every human's hand, beckoned or pushed back by action or omission. Your kingdom lies in every human mouth, brought forth or forced back with every chosen word. Ah, but not even we can keep it from coming, though through history we have given it battle, for it is of You, Mighty God, Power from on High, King of Kings. When not in our right minds, we may stay You for a time, but You, Your Kingdom will come.

I hear it. I see it. I feel it.

"And the Lord thundered from heaven, the Most High gave forth his voice..." (Psalm 18:14; NAB).

"The voice of the Lord is over the waters, the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over vast waters. The voice of the Lord is mighty; the voice of the Lord is majestic ... The voice of the Lord strikes fiery flames; the voice of the Lord shakes the desert ... The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forest..." (Psalm 29:3-4, 7-8, 9).

"For behold, the LORD is coming out from his place..." (Isaiah 26:21; ESV).

When we draw close to You, we see it come in our every moments, our day to day. We see You work Your way into human exchange and miracle happens, hearts change, eyes see, reconciliation occurs, arms embrace, minds understand.

Your Kingdom coming is a reality surrounding the banality we immerse ourselves in and sometimes refuse to look beyond -- even when beyond is right here, right now.

Bringing the kingdom

2011-12-29T06:03:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

The little girl who was missing near my home has been found dead, Lord. Her mama did not get her back for Christmas. Christmas will forever mean pain and loss to this mother.

"A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more" (Jeremiah 31:15).

This, Lord, in the midst of Your coming? This in the midst of happiness and celebration?

In the fifth century Prudentius wrote of the slaughter of the innocents, the killing of the newborns that Herod called for when he learned a king had been born:

What use this rash enormity?
What profit in this wasteful wrong?
So many deaths, and Christ alone
escapes from Herod's questing hand.

Lord, we cannot go far in our celebrations without being reminded this is the beginning and the end. You have come. You have sacrificed. You have risen. We are promised victory, but we must supply the intervening battle. We must work with You to bring Your kingdom, to shed Your light, to be Your hands and feet.

If we do not battle, then we do not see You. We miss participating in the coming of Your kingdom. We miss the miracle of blindness seeing, deafness hearing, and lameness walking. We miss embracing hope. We miss being that hope, that strength, that comfort, that life-giving, transforming power that is You.

Give me my weapons, Lord. I'm up for it. For this little girl, for her mom, even for the one so trapped in darkness that he took her life, I'm ready to fight, Lord. I'm ready to help bring Your kingdom!

Taking me

2011-12-28T07:14:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

It is still here, in my head, repeating itself over and over, not annoyingly, but in the background, peacefully but persistently -- "Come with me into the fields." What fields, Lord?

Joyce Meyer highlights Jeremiah in her Starting Your Day Right devotional: "But this thing I did command them: Listen to and obey My voice, and I will be your God and you will be My people; and walk in the whole way that I command you, that it may be well with you" (Jeremiah 7:23).

Joyce talks about our anointing -- each of us has been anointed by You for certain works. Through prayer and deep thought and fasting and talking to others, we find out what those works are. I do believe this -- I just don't know what I should be doing differently than what I am doing right now....

The words "... and walk in the whole way that I command you" do stand out in my mind as I read Jeremiah. The "whole way" implies I'm keeping something back from You, Lord? What? What am I holding onto that You wish me to let go of?

We all speak a good line before You, Lord -- I love You, Lord; I'll give You anything! But then when You dig down and point to that one thing to which we cling, that one thing that holds our fears, our anxieties, our value perhaps, and You ask for that -- ah! -- then our walk with You becomes something we hadn't reckoned with. And we are faced with two possibilities: We can become blind to the asking and take a step back from You. Then our relationship with You becomes surface, at arms' length, strained even. Or, we can slowly, methodically, allow You to take that which You have pointed out and see what You will do with it. We can trust You enough -- trust is a verb, not a possession we already have -- to watch You take that which makes us most vulnerable and do with it what You want (not what we think You should do with it).

This brings up that trite little saying, let go and let God. Learning how to do this also proceeds slowly and methodically. Go ahead, Lord. Show me how to let You take this. Show me how to let You take me.

An invitation's coming

2011-12-27T06:42:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I woke up with this song in my head: "The harvest is plenty. Laborers are few. Come with me into the fields." It has been years since I have heard this song, Lord. I haven't sung it since convent days -- and that's over 30 years ago.

The song is written by Dan Schutte.

1. The fields are high and summer's days are few;
green fields have turned to gold.
The time is here for the harvesting,
for gathering home into barns.

Refrain: The harvest is plenty: laborers are few.
Come with me into the fields.
Your arms may grow weary; your shoes will wear thin.
Come with me into the fields.

2. The seeds were sown by other hands than yours;
nurtured and cared for they grow.
But those who have sown will not harvest them;
the reaping will not be their care.

Is there any reason, Lord, for this song being in my head? Am I supposed to follow You somewhere? Should I flood You with all the questions -- where? when? how? what? Or, should I just wait? I would not think Your invitations so subtle I could miss it. Surely, You know with me, the louder the better! Oh, but may I be ready, Lord. May I say yes. May I not sink into doubt, fear, analysis so deep and long, the invitation passes me by.

Make all of us ready, Lord. May we expect Your call. May we have the grace, the energy, the creativity, the dependence upon You to follow.

Let the adventure begin!

Imagination and reality

2011-12-26T08:25:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Our imaginations run headlong into reality on the day after Christmas. Both fly up high into the air, and we are anxious to see what remains when they descend. Was it all in our heads? Is their anything concrete to which we can hold? Christ was born. Christ came. God descended.

What now?

What is now is that I can name that which sustains me: Christ is born. What is now is that I can pinpoint why I go on as joyfully and as positively as I do: Christ comes. What is now is that I can know why light is behind my eyes, why I hope, why I try every moment: God descends.

You are never in the past, are You, God? You are now.

Our tendency is to think Your plan is over; it is accomplished. But we know it is not. We need only look around -- in our world, in our own nation, in our own community, in our own families. Your plan is not over. It is inaugurated. It is being accomplished. Christ comes over and over. Christ teaches over and over. Christ suffers over and over. Christ dies over and over. Christ rises over and over again. And we are participants in the drama that is unfolding in the twenty-first century. What will be written about this time is affected by our movements, our thoughts, our motivations, our beliefs, our words.

Christmas is not over. We do not celebrate Advent and Christmas as reminders of what is passed. We celebrate Advent and Christmas to shake us from our lethargy and get us moving again as Spirit-inspired, grace-infused, love-driven followers of Christ, laughing as we watch our footsteps get lost in the footprints of Him who walked where we walk, but walking nonetheless, because we know what He can do with us. We feel it. We experience it. We know it.

Oh yes, Christ is born. Christ comes. O, God, You descend.

Let grace be heavy

2011-12-25T05:39:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Father Tom said last evening at the Christmas Eve service the Holy Family's life was "painted with rough strokes of hardship." We all know this. That holy morning was filled with worry -- if this is the Son of God, why are we here in a stable? Did we do this right? Is he going to be okay? What do we do next? And strangers intruding in their discomfort and anxiety.

But grace had to be heavy in that air.

And our Christmas morning... A little girl is missing not too far from where we live. She is only nine. No one has seen her since Friday. Oh, the agony of her family.

Oh, God, let grace be heavy in their air.

Many homes will see presents opened with no thought of You, Lord.

Oh, let grace be heavy in our air.

There is no Christmas that is not "painted with rough streaks of hardship." Thank You, Lord, that we may permit these "difficulties [to] fade as [we are] caught up in the moment" when "our song becomes God's song." May we step aside from what separates, what hurts, what frightens us to rest in You, knowing You take all circumstance and give strength, give peace, give comfort, give wisdom.

On this holy morning, O Prince of Peace, may we be aware of so very much grace in our air.

Minds missing their batteries

2011-12-24T07:39:00.004-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

So, You have Christopher Hitchens in front of You now, yes,Lord? Oh, I wish we could be privy to that initial conversation, but I bet no words were exchanged. I bet Mr. Hitchens just cried. He who so insistently looked for truth and missed it by miles came face to face with truth. He who looked down upon those who surrendered in their own way to You had no direction but toward You to walk.

What did he see at the moment of death, Lord? What did he hear? What are we able to see, to hear, to sense when we've spent a lifetime closing ourselves to You? And yet, he searched for truth. He practiced an opening of himself to some wisdom -- it's there clearly in his writings, Lord.

I forget which theologian I read who believes no one will be in hell. He teaches that Your love, attraction to You is so overwhelming that, in the end, no one will be able to turn from You. Despite the warnings in the Bible that literally say otherwise, I find myself siding with this theologian.

But I know the power of pride, too. Pride can make us turn away when we know to our core we're wrong. Pride is powerful, too.

I see us --rather unpoetically -- as flashlights without batteries. We go through life looking for all kinds of things to light our bulbs. We put other people inside and our bulbs light somewhat. We put things in there for a very dim glow. We put addictions and find darkness. We put You -- ah! That's when we see ourselves shining as we have never shone before. What would Christopher have looked like, Lord, with You powering him? What would Stephen look like? Oh, such minds missing their batteries -- it is a tragedy for the world.

Be merciful, Lord. Let him see Your ways. Show him what he could have accomplished for us had he plugged into truth. Show him how You will still make all things work for good despite the stupidities we work in our lives. [But don't protect him from Mother Teresa when she sees him come in the door! Ha!]

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

Undeniably good

2011-12-23T05:46:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

L.B. Cowman writes this today in Streams in the Desert: "Your guide will keep to no beaten path. He will lead you by a way such as you never dreamed your eyes would look upon. He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you."

What an apt description of life with You, Lord. Embracing You is like grabbing onto the end of a whip. It is like leaping onto a Ferris wheel whose upper half is hidden by cloud. Life with You is an adventure, an adventure I am so very grateful for; an adventure that continues; an adventure I would choose over and over again.

But how to share this adventure, Lord? How to convince others that fear, uncertainty, even suffering does not matter when my hand is in Your hand. There is an exhilaration that is intoxicating -- and one I cannot quite put my finger on in words. So, I am left here, wanting to convince, wanting to evangelize, when all I can do is shrug my shoulders and urge with every ounce of me -- "You'll see what I mean."

Circumstances do not change when You are embraced, but everything else does. We change. Our vision, our perception of circumstances changes. Grace rushes in and re-colors all walls, all furnishings. Grace floods our negativity, drowning it. Grace lifts what we used to keep down. Grace flows in and all good things float, while what sinks needs to sink, despite any effort to swim down and pull it back up.

Life with You is breathtaking. Life with You is fear-filled. Life with You is anything but boring. Life with You is undeniably good.

Longing

2011-12-22T06:24:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

You tell us, Lord, "There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4).

Your son William Storey reminds us Advent is a "season of longing expectation -- 'Come, Lord Jesus' (Revelation 22:20)."

Advent is a time to long.

What is like to long for something, Lord? Oh, to me, longing is an aching desire, a wanting with every inch of one's body and soul. Longing is a centralized, always-in-focus need within us. And Advent brings this longing into specific relief. We get to look at it from all sides, turn it over and over, mull it through, poke it, and get it to come alive again.

For what do we long? Oh, yes, for You, but what does that mean? Not many of us wish to die this day and come face to face with You -- even though we know deep down that would be tremendous (and frightening!). No, we love life. We love others and wish to stay with them. So, for what do we long?

We long, Lord, for Your kingdom, yes? We long for Your ways to become our ways. We long for Your rule to become the standard, the victor. We long for Your path to be the path we all walk. We long for peace to reign, for joy to reign, for justice to reign.

But that is not the only reminder of Advent, our longing. The other reminder is that we are active participants in the bringing of that for which we long. Our every word, our every action either hastens Your kingdom or delays Your kingdom. Being made in Your image has given us great power, and we use that power either for our ill or for our good. Advent cautions us to speak, to move wisely.

Advent, Lord, is nearly over. You came once, but that coming is not over and done with; Your coming is still in process. May my words, my actions this day ease Your coming, hasten Your coming, promote Your coming.

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

Impossible sweeps of power

2011-12-21T05:15:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your daughter Christine McIntosh writes this:

Oh, do not try to make it ordinary
or even think of credibility -
this visitation by the angel
or many
to shepherds in their freezing fields
or Mary -
no: I see hosts of snowy wings
descending in impossible sweeps
of power, I see
faces taut and gleaming, and those
piercing eyes that penetrate the soul
so that breath fails, and when it
passes there remains a vacuum -
and perhaps just a single
shining
feather.

http://blethers.blogspot.com/2011/12/thinking-of-angels.html

I like her words, Lord. I especially like "descending in impossible sweeps of power." Why? Why do those words delight me so much?

Perhaps it is because I know Your power. It is not visible. It is not perceptible to those who do not wish to see it -- at least for now. It is not felt by those who do not wish to feel it -- at least for now. But, oh, it is here. It is what upholds me, sustains me. Your power can become the very breath we breathe if we so choose, and I have chosen, Lord.

Christine sees it, too, Your power. And Tom, and Linda, and Connie, and Mary Ann, and Ken, and Jeff, and Nancy, and Emily, and Georgia, and Gloria, and Becky and ...

We have swapped daily breath for daily bread from You. We wake to watch You move and act and descend. We see You with our minds' eyes. We know Your footprints. We have been to the mouth of the cave to speak with You when no words were necessary.

Oh, Lord, descend again and again and again! Make faces gleam again -- and leave feathers for those who need to find them.

Thank You, Hound of Heaven

2011-12-20T06:07:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Thank You for that conversation, Lord. It was a revelation of their hearts, and I am extremely comforted by it. They seek truth. They seek You, and they see me as seeking the same -- and having gifted them not with easy pretense about You but with You, You who refuse to be colored by human failing, You who refuse to be outlined by doctrine, You who are far beyond anything we can hope for or imagine.

Thank You, Almighty God. Thank You that, despite our failings, our faults, You still shine through our attempts to reveal what we know of You. Thank You for insisting all see You. Thank You for prodding, plodding, probing, and persistently pursuing those who seek truth, those whose hearts are open, those whose hearts are hurt and closed, those who insist You are not.

Ah, I love these words by Francis Thompson...

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat—and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet—
‘All things betray thee, who betrayest Me.’

(Hound of Heaven)

We were made for You, O Lord. May we find You. May we all be knocked to our knees at the sight of You, You who fulfill every desire of every heart. Amen.

May she come to rest in You

2011-12-19T05:54:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm watching a loved one go through agony. She doesn't believe in You; therefore, when I tell her I'm praying for her, it means nothing to her. I can almost see her roll her eyes in her disappointment and grief. I offer her You and she sees nothing in my hands, Lord.

I know You could help her carry this. I know this wouldn't eat at her as it does if she were to let You in. But, Lord, she tried to let You in. Remember? She came to church, taught Sunday school, gave every week, but still she could not find You. I want to jump up on mountains and scream why, Lord!

You cannot tell me it is because You choose to reveal yourself to some and not to others. I cannot accept that. That is not a loving God. I as a mother would not do that, and if I in my imperfect love know that is cruel then You in Your perfect love know as well. So, what is it, Lord? Why are there some who cannot seem to reach You?

Oh, Lord, I agonize over this. I want her to have You. I want her to lean into You and rest. I want her to experience what is meant by Your joy, Your peace, Your presence making all things well even in the midst of trials.

She already has You? She is just not slowing down enough to sense it? Her strength is large, Lord -- is that You? She is carrying a great deal and not breaking under its weight -- that is You, Lord? She is coming to wisdom in her decisions -- that, too, is You, Lord? So, You are within her, working, but she doesn't even know it?

Why does she fight knowing? Because she cannot find it within herself to see that she is loved. Her mantra her whole life has been to do, to work hard, to rely only on herself because she learned early there was no one else to rely on. But You, Lord, in Your mercy and love for her, step in anyway and give grace. Oh, if she could only see You and take comfort in You, too, so she could rest.

I pray for this, Lord, that she come to know You, to see You, to rest in You. Amen.

A mighty prescription

2011-12-18T06:10:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your son Bede Griffiths, OSB, writes: "What can we do? We can become a sign. Whatever happens, become a sign of joy and a fountain of divine love."

This is a mighty prescription, Lord. It is a commitment to be caught up in You rather than in our difficulties, our problems, our selves. It is a recognition of the fact that when we turn toward You, habitually turn toward You, there is found a peace beyond telling -- "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7) -- a joy hard to describe -- "in your presence there is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11) -- and a knowledge all things will be okay -- "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28).

I want to fill this prescription for You, Lord. I want those around me to know You, to want You, to have You. Please do not wait for me to have this "down pat" before You use me, Lord, to affect You in others. I will never have it down pat. I lose my temper here and there. I miss opportunities to shine for You every day. I choose to look down rather than up quite often. But I know You work with bruised reeds. I know You pick the imperfect. I know You reveal yourself to those who do not even choose to see You.

Reveal, Lord! Come down. May our ground be thick with Your Spirit! May we experience Your peace, Your joy, Your knowledge and hunger for it over and over again until we become fountains, signs of divine love.

Oh, I believe this is coming, for who can stop God in His tracks? "For behold, the Lord is coming..." (Micah 1:3).

God doesn't disappoint?

2011-12-17T08:43:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Someone said You never disappoint us. My first inclination was to yell out, "Oh, yes He does!" But, then I thought more about it, and, I have to agree, You do not disappoint.

But I didn't get that; I haven't gotten this. And, geez, I'm still waiting for that -- and it's been years! What do I mean to agree with the statement, "God doesn't disappoint"?

I'm smart enough to know I don't want something You don't want. How stupid of me to want something I can see from four feet that You see from forty, along with the dangers, the consequences, the missed opportunities it would bring along with it -- positioned just out of my sight, but not out of Yours. Nope, however enticing it looks from my four feet, I'll concede to Your forty.

I may feel disappointed at first. I might even shed a tear or two, but I know -- I know at that gut level deep entrenched knowing, the kind that enlightens every cell of your body type of knowing -- this disappointment is a temporary thing. What is up ahead is far better, more suited not only for me but for others, too. When those are the consequences, I have to side with You, Lord. Of that, I'm sure.

And I have to thank You for that. Eugene Peterson writes in Reversed Thunder that embracing Your will doesn't bring about immediate gift, immediate results. I know what he means, and yet I bet he'd agree with me if I suggest it does in this way: siding with You, choosing You, letting go of something we want because it's clear You don't want it does something inside. Calling it peace doesn't go deep enough. Calling it joy is close, but it's not the world's joy -- that smile on face, dance in your step type of thing. No, this is a "rightness," a connection, an unblocked pathway to an okayness. It's an okayness that is the target of all kinds of doubts, accusations, wants, concupiscences, but it stays put, strong, solid. And it emanates strength into our inner selves, our thinking, our motivations, our being. I guess it's kind of like having a piece of You within us. Ah! Lord! It is You! How could that be disappointing?!

Seeking God's view

2011-12-16T05:32:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm sorry about being down on myself this morning. I sometimes -- often -- fall into my culture's parameters for what looks good and what does not look good. I judge myself based on the pictures of women I see on television, in ads, in the stores. I judge my clothes beside the ones I'd like to have. And, oh, when I start down this road, I know it is going to be a painful trip.

And a dumb one.

So, I caught myself early this morning. I brought it to You: Lord, I asked, I'm not liking myself this morning. Help me see as I should. Thank You for Your grace, Lord, for I eased up immediately. I reminded myself to focus on all I have to be grateful for, all that is good in my life, all that is good around me. Oh, the good outweighs the bad by far. And the bad, when met with You beside me, is simply a challenge out of which You will bring good things for me and for others.

So there.

Why are we so hard on ourselves, Lord? Why are we so vain? We follow the lead of our culture so easily without thinking about it. We push and pull to see ourselves through the eyes of our culture instead of working to see ourselves through Your eyes. We forget -- or don't even know! -- that seeing ourselves through Your eyes adds power to our self-confidence, actual grace to our self-acceptance, and mercy toward ourselves and others. Seeing ourselves through Your eyes teaches, supports, fuels, and gives peace. Why would any of us not seek first Your vision?

Where two or three...

2011-12-15T05:44:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Yesterday I sat with a group of women with whom I pray and share and grow spiritually. You were there. Each carries You in unique ways. Each speaks of You in ways I'm not familiar with, so I get to see You from different angles. Each goes about perceiving You, searching for You in paths just a bit left or right of mine. I sit there welcomed and welcoming, accepted and accepting, loved and loving.

I am excited when I think of our future meetings. We are committed to meeting and talking about You, talking to You, sharing You. Our meetings will go on and on. Our discussions of You and with You will go on and on. Topics are endless, for You are infinite. It is life-giving, transforming, a tool in Your hand, Lord.

It is Church.

We can do lots with Church. We can toss it aside due to bad experiences. We can proclaim our independence so loudly we cannot hear all the fruit that comes from a group gathered in Your name. We can focus on the negative, which is most certainly there. Or, we can approach Church with an open mind, an open heart, with little steps, looking for the positive, looking to give, praying to see. Ah! This is the approach that promises...

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." (Luke 11:9-10; ESV)

There is no maybe implied here. It is a certainty. Seek and we will find.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." (Matthew 18:20)

Despite human failing, despite bad experiences, despite fear and hesitancy, You are there. You are here. Give us the wisdom, Lord, to let nothing hold us back. May we always seek. May we always ask. May we always knock. Amen.

We don't walk alone

2011-12-14T07:39:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I can't walk too far without running into my past. Things like this case with Jerry Sandusky trigger memories I don't want to go back to, memories of my own abuse that can make me feel isolated, alone, memories that make me question just how far healing can go -- as if they will ever totally lose their jarring impact.

I suppose they shouldn't. They should never "read" without disgust, without shock, these memories, these details of child abuse. They should never be something I relay in the same tone as I relay what the weather was yesterday or the day before. They should always hit with some force because it is not how it is supposed to be. It is far, far from how it is supposed to be. Relay of such with no impact just might make us complacent to the existence of abuse.

But, Lord, complacency sneaks in anyway. It sneaks in by way of doubt -- he didn't really do that; that child is exaggerating, lying even. It sneaks in by way of punishment -- 20 years for drug possession; 2 for molesting a little girl. It sneaks in by way of ignorance -- we turn off the televisions, refuse to read the stories, and assign "those conversations" to the "things we shouldnt' share" bin. So I, like thousands of others, walk around with unseen scars and limps and when conversation nears our stories, we back away and whisper "pass."

But, Lord, you cannot look at any part of me without seeing it. It formed this part, and it affected that part. I can't dig at all without finding it. Abuse is pervasive, profound, immensely impacting. It not only affects the body, but it intrudes upon the mind -- upon perception, upon attitude, upon all things. And to heal from it means to unwrap its sinews from literally everything.

And so here You are, Lord, standing there shining for me, for us, standing beside that open tomb daring us to think You cannot heal. So, even though I've run into my past yet again, I realize it's okay. You're here. You're working. You're healing. And, in Your mercy, Your healing will go far beyond just me.

Move us, Lord, to believe and walk with the victims, to refuse to downplay the horror, to be willing to discover why and how and work toward prevention. Move us to make the punishment fit the crime. Bring us to You for guidance, for compassion, for healing. And remind us, Lord, over and over, we never walk alone.

"I'll go. Send me!"

2011-12-13T05:56:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I've been thinking about that passage describing Isaiah's call:

He touched my mouth with the coal and said,
'Look. This coal has touched your lips.
Gone your guilt, your sins wiped out.'
And then I heard the voice of the Master:
'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?'
I spoke up, 'I'll go. Send me!'"
(Isaiah 6; The Message translation)

Had you not removed Isaiah's sin first, would he have heard Your voice, Lord? Or, if he would have heard it, would he have had the courage, the insight, the will to answer it? Surely, sin dampens our willingness. Surely, it takes away from what we are able to see, to comprehend. How important, then, for us to come to You often asking for forgiveness, asking, like Bartimaeus, to see.

I like to think Bartimaeus wasn't physically blind at all. I like to think he just didn't "get it." He tried and tried to understand what all the talk was about. Maybe he even knew someone, someone close to him, who gave up everything for You right there and then. Maybe he was just so tired of trying to see, to understand, and not seeing, not understanding, that he finally put himself before You and cried out, "Lord, I want to see!"

People would have laughed. People do laugh. But Bartimaeus didn't care, and for that he got to see. Oh, did he get to see!

Make us long to see You, Lord. Make us long to know what all this talk is about. May we experience Your overwhelming tug just once, and may it draw us in, change us, and make us willing to answer, "I'll go. Send me!"

Brood on, Lord!

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

So what is the first step, Lord, to becoming fully human? Is it different for each one of us, depending upon where we are, who we are, what makes us tick? What is the first step for me, for now?

You don't work in steps, do You, Lord? You work from all sides at once, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Why, it took the whole Bible to explain how You work, and that's only part of the picture!

But we can know; You do let us know. In those inklings, those urges, those sudden thoughts, those "I've got to do this" itches that get under our skin and won't come out. They are blatant in the Bible...

"Then one of the angel-seraphs flew to me. He held a live coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. He touched my mouth with the coal and said,
'Look. This coal has touched your lips.
Gone your guilt, your sins wiped out.'
And then I heard the voice of the Master:
'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?'
I spoke up, 'I'll go. Send me!'"
(Isaiah 6; The Message translation)

Not so blatant in our time perhaps, but nonetheless present, here, brooding over us as the Spirit brooding over the formless void before You made the world, Lord.

Are we sensitive to You? Do we know how to swim in Your flow? Have we learned how to breathe in You?

Brood on, Lord, as we line up, we who want to be fully human. Increase our numbers here on the edge of Your teaching, we who want to learn how to swim in Your waters. Make us ready.

Fully human

2011-12-11T05:54:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

What do we look like when we are fully human? That is, after all, our goal? To allow You to enter us in such a way that all our parts work perfectly, all our corners are cleaned and without clutter, all our synapses are connected and firing. And this fully human status can be attained no matter what might ail us, no matter what parts of us might be missing -- for fully human simply means unreservedly connected to You.

But that is downright frightening.

Oh, we might rush to see what You look like up close, but I cannot believe our steps would not slow to a crawl the closer we came, for the immensity of You would dawn upon us, and we would suddenly realize why the Bible cautions that no one can see You and live. Seeing You -- truly seeing, taking You in -- why, our humanity is too limited, its parameters too narrow?

But we can try, those who are courageous enough, those who are curious enough, those who are willing to drop attachments and answer Your call to "come and see." (cf. John 1:39)

I want to be one of them, Lord. I want to be one who drops what would hold me back, but, oh, I know how firmly my attachments hold me!

Show me how, Lord? Show me how to slip their hold and step closer to the edge of where You are. Show me the path that leads to seeing You like that, as if I were fully human.

What are we capable of in such a state, Lord? What gift could we be to the world as such? What presence of You could shine through then? May we find out, Lord. May we take this fully human idea out for a spin and see what it can do!

A wider view

2011-12-10T06:45:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Okay, I'm embarrassed when thoughts like this come into my head. After all, it's not like You don't know them. Thoughts like "God isn't coming through," or "God doesn't care about that request." I'm quick to move to mop up, so to speak -- "sure God cares; don't think things like that" -- but You probably find that a bit funny. Truth is, Lord, I'm wondering why You aren't quicker to respond.

How would I respond if my prayers were answered today? I would sit and take it in. I would allow myself to feel Your blessing, Your favor, and I would be extremely grateful. I would be affirmed -- You approve of me.

But, Lord, I can do that now, can't I? I can sit and take You in. I can allow myself to feel Your blessing, Your favor -- for I have those, even in the absence of that for which I'm praying. There is already much in my life for me to be extremely grateful to You. And I do stand affirmed and approved.

I should be thinking more of that! We stand approved and affirmed by You, Almighty God. That's what we need to take in and explore all the ramifications for. If we are approved and affirmed by God, then ... what? Well, then it stands to reason we can become fully human, in all that human beings were meant to be as images of You. That in itself is packed with application!

As much as I hate to say it, our prayers occupy a narrow band of light within Your immense spectrum. We focus on the narrow band while You want to give us the entire spectrum. We're turned this way trying to pull You over to look at this point on the head of a pin, while You are turned that way, trying to turn our heads toward a horizon so vast it is incomprehensible.

That is our duty, isn't it, Lord? To get more and more broken in, to adapt more and more, to grow our ability to see, to take in what is incomprehensible, what is You.

Come, Lord Jesus

2011-12-09T05:23:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Show me how, Lord. Show me how to lift them up even when they don't want to be lifted, even when they see no way to be lifted, even when they reject any and every way I lift. Come, Lord Jesus.

Show me how, Lord. Put Your words into my mouth so they will have lasting effect. "... so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth: it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and succeed in the thing for which I sent it." (Isaiah 55:11; NIV) Come, Lord Jesus.

Show me how, Lord. Direct every movement, every decision I make in their regard. If it is not Your will, redirect it. Come, Lord Jesus.

This is my prayer for my children, for my friends, for my spouse, for any other You bring into my life, Lord. Even the smallest of exchanges can have profound effect.

Show me how, Lord. I want to be a strong witness for You. I want You to shine so well through me that others feel Your attraction and come seeking You.

"How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of the messenger
who announces peace,
who brings good news,
who announces salvation,
who says to Zion, 'Your God reigns.'
Listen!"
Isaiah 52:7,8

May everyone see Your feet, O Lord. May everyone hear Your voice, O Lord.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Fasting

2011-12-08T05:41:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your son Jentezen Franklin writes: "I am more convinced than ever that fasting is a gateway through which God releases His supernatural power into our lives." Oh, I do agree. I don't particularly like it, but, oh, I do agree.

Jentezen wrote a piece on fasting for Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" (December 2011/January 2012). In it he reminds me of the many times You've told me the same thing.

But, Lord, Jentezen, tells me something I hadn't considered. Every time I fast, I am offering it up for someone else. I wasn't looking at fasting as a way to help me, too. Oh, I suppose I knew fasting was helping me -- enlarging my heart for others, but I hadn't realized just how precisely it can lift me up to You when things are weighing me down. I get so narrow in my thinking, I neglect to connect with Your power!

"You see," Jentezen writes, "fasting will ignite the power of the Holy Spirit within you."

"Fasting makes you hungry for what really matters in life."

"What do you do when your passion for the Lord is barely a flickering ember instead of a consuming flame?"

"Trudging through our daily routines in our own strength wears us down and we lose the edge of the Holy Spirit speaking into our situations."

"Fasting helps you regain the edge in your life. It's a lot like sharpening an ax."

Fasting is hard, Lord, especially when my stomach starts aching. But, when I take that pain and direct it toward wanting You, hungering for You, that very moment, that very connection bridges every obstacle and puts me squarely on holy ground ... where I am renewed.

I see Jentezen has written a book called Fasting. I will ask for that for Christmas.

Just the asking

2011-12-07T05:46:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Oh, I wanted it to happen, Lord. I was sure it was going to happen. This, this was the time. I waited. And I waited. And I'm still waiting, Lord. It's not going to happen, is it?

How do You deal with me, Lord? I'm like a kid looking under every conceivable object for a particular present. It wasn't there. It wasn't here. And it probably won't be over there. But, instead of just putting myself before You and asking why, I keep up the looking, hoping You will cave and give. But, You're not caving. I'm not going to get what I'm looking for.

Why, Lord?

Is it an "it's not time yet" kind of thing, or is it an "I-shouldn't-be-asking-for-this" type of thing?

There are things You do want us to ask for. You make that pretty clear in Proverbs and in the story of Solomon (1Kings 3). In Your response to Solomon, You also make it clear our prayers may not be answered in the way we like: "Because you have asked for this and haven't grasped after a long life, or riches, or the doom of your enemies, but you have asked for the ability to lead and govern well, I'll give you what you've asked for..." (The Message translation). Your response hints at the possibility that our asking may not meet with Your liking; therefore, You will not give.

And what is Your liking? That, of course, which brings life, which brings goodness, which brings peace, which brings us, in the long run, closer to You. That is the sifter through which all prayers must fall.

And so, here I am, Lord, with my prayer dangling here at my feet. I'm kicking at it a bit and asking You to comment on it. You know I want You to do with it what You want. But, it burns inside of me; it pushes me, so I guess I want to know why it burns but is not answered? Need I change it in some way? Is it, indeed, an "it's not yet time"?

I have had this prayer for decades, Lord. And it has modified itself somewhat. I've learned a lot by bringing it over and over to You. I've a feeling You're molding it -- and molding me -- into just the right shape before it can be answered. And so I'm content in just the asking -- because a great deal of activity is going on in just the asking.

God's language

2011-12-06T05:57:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your son Bishop Little wrote this in his monthly newsletter: "The New Testament paints powerful word pictures that challenge us to ponder Jesus' disruptive Second Advent."

Disruptive? Oh, I like that.

If given the choice between You slipping into our lives smoothly and You coming disruptively, most of us, I think, would say You tend to slip in smoothly. Too bad.

Disrupt us, Lord!

"You are strong, and your mighty power put the mountains in place." (Psalm 65:6; NIV)

"As I lead you, I will level mountains..." (Isaiah 45:2).

"I created the mountains and the wind. I let humans know what I am thinking. I bring darkness at dawn and step over hills. I am the LORD God All-Powerful!" (Amos 4:13)

Is this "smooth"? Have we lost our ability to see? Do we not feel the repercussions of mountains moving?

When I first learned of metaphor and its application to the First Testament stories -- stories like Jonah in the belly of the whale -- I was at once relieved and invigorated. I no longer felt totally isolated from that story -- for I was never going to find myself in the ocean, much less in the belly of a fish in the ocean. But, now, with metaphor, I knew that story meant You would stop at nothing to "hold me" while I figured You out. Metaphor, far more than making something perhaps not literally true, released meaning and application in life-transforming ways.

So it is with Your disruption, Lord. Oh, You can come literally disruptively -- I can bump into You in real sickness, in job loss, in stumbling upon a brilliant rainbow. But -- most of the time -- the disruptions are not so literal, though they should never be classified as smooth, for, after all, it is God who is coming: a sudden, breath-taking awareness of Your presence; a dawning understanding of what was incomprehensible; an intense motivation to take up, give up, or go.

You move in metaphor, and metaphor has never been so real, nor so disruptive to my eyesight dulled by a culture that will not look beneath, beyond, above. This is what Advent is for -- exploding metaphor back into our world -- disrupting us, reminding us of the very language of You!

Laying claim to the power of God

2011-12-05T05:11:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

People make the distinction between knowing about someone and knowing someone. I know a lot about You, Jesus. Do I know You?

I know God, I would say -- not entirely, of course, and not as well as I see others know God, but I do know God, God as in all three of You -- Father, Son, Holy Spirit; Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifier. What I have not done up until now is try to separate my knowing You from my knowing the Creator, from my knowing the Spirit.

Is there benefit in this? Can I talk to one without talking to the other? Can I pull closer to one without pulling closer to the other? Can I separate what the First Person has done in my life from what the Second or Third Person has done?

It seems silly to attempt to do so. And, yet, I still feel pushed to question how well I know You, Jesus Christ, Redeemer, Second Person of the Trinity.

"How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of the messenger bringing good news,
Breaking the news that all's well,
proclaiming good times, announcing salvation,
telling Zion, 'Your God reigns!'"
(Isaiah 52; The Message translation)

This is You, Lord Jesus, coming with all the weakness of a human being, yet with all the strength of God, showing us how to put our weakness in You and lay claim to the power of God, even when that power seems so small -- as in the form of a child, even when that power seems so extinguished -- as in death on the cross.

You stand before us, every moment of Your life laid bare and stuffed with meaning for us, and its theme: "My love won't walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won't fall apart.' The God who has compassion on you says so." (Isaiah 54:10)

And I see in this examination of how well I know You an invitation to greater intimacy, for I cannot name what I know without immense gratitude. I cannot pinpoint my bond with You without falling on my knees in praise, in awe. I cannot put into words Your activity in my own life without committing myself to You all over again. Thus is the meaning of Advent.

Behold!

2011-12-04T08:36:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I've been walking in dangerous territory with You lately, Lord. I've been dabbling in the world of the Jesus Seminar people. Why? Well, I want to understand where they are coming from. There are great minds in that camp, minds who have not dumped belief in You and yet have discarded belief that You really did this and really said that. Why? And how is their faith after doing so? Might we find some answers in this paradigm of the Jesus Seminar as to how to evangelize others who do not seem moved by You?

I want to be about finding the human words to move a cold heart toward You, Lord. I want to be part of that "aha" moment in his life, her life when You dawn. I want to be that instrument in Your hand. Why? Well, maybe, I hope, because I am called to do just that; I am meant to do just that.

Behold!

When will You dawn, Almighty Lord,
on the stubborn will and mind
the thinker, the doer, the doubter, the cold,
the one who takes his time?

What word will break the massive roads
she has constructed with reason's tar
what thought, what image, what understanding
will melt her fear-filled heart?

Ah, but for that moment, I long to see
the twinkle as it's born
when dam gives way to rushing wind
Your Spirit speaks, "No more."

No shame, no guilt, no regret has room
For joy drowns every sound
What she sees, and hears, and comprehends
Will take lifetimes coming down.

Oh, let me see its birth just once
When You stop on someone's soul
When recognition of You cuts cleanly through
And every cell proclaims, "Behold!"

Overwhelm us, Lord!

2011-12-03T05:11:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I like these words from Your son John Henry Newman...

They watch for Christ
who are sensitive, eager, apprehensive in mind,
who are awake, alive, quick-sighted,
zealous in honoring him,
who look for him in all that happens, and
who would not be over-agitated or overwhelmed,
if they found that he was coming at once....

This then is to watch:
to be detached from what is present, and
to live in what is unseen;
to live in the thought of Christ as he came once,
and he will come again;
to desire his second coming, from our affectionate
and grateful remembrance of his first.

The only thing I wonder about -- and this makes me smile -- is John's saying "who would not be over-agitated or overwhelmed, if they found that he was coming at once..." I can understand the "over-agitated" aspect; we should have confidence in Your love as we are doing all we can to imitate to You. But, "overwhelmed"? I cannot imagine, Lord, the moment just before I see You face to face! I cannot imagine the surge in my soul that will take place when I behold You. Oh, I've seen You -- in him, in her, in nature, even in mind's eye -- and that sight enough has been overwhelming. What, Good God, will it be like to know You are my next sight?

I know you, John, meant "overwhelming" in the sense of stealing our peace. What was it like? When you saw God? When You saw Jesus Christ? When you learned of the angels? When you comprehended how all things work? Are you still being overwhelmed, John? Even though you died in 1890, I bet you are still being floored by Him, yes?

This Advent, Lord ... today ... each day, may we be overwhelmed just a bit by You.

Lifting up in prayer

2011-12-02T04:22:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I want to lift some people up to You, Lord. I know You are already very aware of each, but I'd like to participate in the exchange between You and them, if I may.

I lift up Jamie, Becky, Rita. I lift up Emily, Georgia, Gwen, Billie, Brent, and Carol, Nancy, Gloria, Marge, and Becky. I lift up the other Becky. O Lord, I lift up to You all those who are most in need of You right at this moment.

I lift up Ben, Kirsten, Alex, and Tom. I lift up Tammy, Abbey, Zach, Marty, Corese, Kris (her husband and kids), Mark, Dottie, and Oscar. I lift up Misha and Mick and Linda, David and Judy.

O Lord, surround each of them with Your presence. May they recognize Your presence and rest in it, rest in You. Fill them with Your grace that each may be renewed, that each may know You, that each may cling to You, and give You thanks and praise.

Make us witnesses to Your tremendous love, O Lover of human beings, O Lover of this earth! [And please be with that dog I saw on the highway last night running south.]

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us..." (Ephesians 5:1-2).

Human will

2011-12-01T05:39:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Do You stop at human will? You gave us free will so it wouldn't make sense if You were to "make" any one of us do any thing, right? You nag. You point. You ask. You command. But, You don't force. Forcing isn't love.

It seems almost silly -- God persuading us. You are God! We should shudder not to obey, not to cling to Your every Word, not to go where You point. But, I know, it isn't always that easy. Knowing where You are pointing isn't so clear sometimes. That's when we have to remember the treasure is in the seeking. You know we'll discover something invaluable as we seek Your will, so Your will isn't readily seen.

But, that's not the only reason we don't throw ourselves into the path You're pointing down. Sometimes we flat out don't want to. Something may make total sense for us to do, but we're focused on some small, silly reason why we shouldn't. Maybe it's petty. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's selfishness. Whatever it is, oh, Lord, give us the wisdom and the grace to chuck the pettiness, the pride, the fear, the selfishness and get going. Your will for us is stuffed full of blessing, knowledge, grace -- gifts we just cannot do without!

Renew us in our seeking, Lord. It can get tiresome, frustrating, and quite lonely at times. Remind us for Whom we seek. May the thought of You and all the awe-filled gifts that come to anyone who spends time in Your vicinity spur us on.

Renew us in those times when we're turning away, Lord. May we see our vices for what they are and, instead, turn away from them. May we face You -- yell and complain if we need to for a time -- but face You nonetheless and insist on staying put until we experience Your coming, as Elijah did at the mouth of the cave (1Kings 19).

You may stop at human will, but You do not stop, O Hound of Heaven. What Love You are!

Leaping out in faith

2011-11-30T06:14:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

My church is trying to do something very important, but it isn't coming along well. It seems monumental actually, and I feel we are all standing looking at a mountain, an imposing, solid, frustrating mountain. What to do, Lord, what to do?

Oh, I've been here before. I don't like this ground. It's like the Everglades when our canoe sent us both into the water. We'd crawled onto a fallen tree to get out of the water. I looked at our canoe, nearly ten feet away, and I did a lot of yelling at You then. Yelling when I was in the water, scared to death of gators we knew were there, trying to get that canoe upright. Yelling as I brought it somehow halfway out and flipped it over, even though it was filled with water. I think I even said I didn't like You very much at the time because You make everything so very hard -- especially just before You slip in and solve it.

But You did slip in and solve it. Even though I used every ounce of my strength, I know fully well it wasn't my strength that got that canoe on top of the water again. But, boy, I was mad at You! My anger mixed with profound gratitude because, like I said, I knew better. I knew better.

And so I'm back again on similar ground. And this one won't be solved in three or four minutes of anguished heaving and pulling. We're looking at just one way to accomplish our task, but perhaps there are others You want us to explore. Show us, Lord.

I remember thinking while standing on that log looking at our canoe, maybe the current would bring it to us. Nope, it was two-thirds submerged; I was looking at its bottom, tilted away from me. Then, I thought, maybe there's enough knobs of trees to allow me to balance on them over to it. Nope. Then, I searched for a large stick that would allow me to pull it over to us. That was stupid. I wanted You to answer me in any of those three ways -- NOT in the way I knew was inevitable, the way with the most risk.

I leapt out in faith, like Pete Rose diving into second base, and You took care of the risk. I learned something very valuable about You that day: You may not make it any easier, but You will make it possible. It may not look like we pictured; it may not -- and probably won't -- take the path we're intent on; but, in the end, we'll come out victorious, standing next to You. And we'll be changed for having done so, too.

I'm fond of thinking about that canoe thing, Lord. We'll be fond of thinking about this challenge at church, too, won't we, Lord? We just need to keep leaping out in faith.

Awe-filled respect

2011-11-29T04:58:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"The Awesome One," Father Tom said on the first Sunday of Advent. And he meant the kind of "awesome that makes you tremble at the core of your very being." We need to recapture that kind of awesome. I agree.

We are so ... lackadaisical, I guess I'd call it. We don't stop to think who it is we are speaking to. I watch adolescents speak to their teachers, to pastors, to their parents the very same way they speak to their peers. Would they use the same tone, the same phrases, the same attitude if they were speaking to the President of the United States? They might, and even worse, perhaps, if they wouldn't have voted for him!

There is no respect for Office, no respect for authority. We leave nothing from our realm of criticism and disdain. And "Church" has been tainted and brought low as well, due, in part, to political positions and scandal within her walls.

And so we've brought You, Lord, into our firing fields. We don't see eye to eye with how You're doing things so we can effectively toss You to the side, or at least take away any power You would have within our lives by thwarting grace before it can do within our hearts and minds what it has forever done since Your Spirit hovered over the waters (Genesis 1:2).

I suppose we are no different than the people of Israel after they were led out into the wilderness, free from the bonds of the Egyptians, after they saw Your glory at Moses' hands convincing Pharaoh to say, "Go!" and then silencing him in the waters of the Red Sea. What did they follow this miraculous show of force with? Complaint and a golden calf. Not a one of us wouldn't take them to task for such behavior -- until we see ourselves in their mirror, that is. Their dull imaginations had stripped the glory from their lives. Our dull imaginations are doing the same.

Restore respect, awe-filled respect. May we have no patience for complaint but train our eyes to see opportunity and hope. May we treat one another with profound respect. May we dust off our Bibles and open them up every day! May we display them rather than let them sit on a shelf or beneath anything else. May we pray on our knees and ask You to show us Your glory, Your glory which has never departed from us, but which we have blinded ourselves to see.

May we rediscover what Isaiah meant when, inspired by You, Lord, he cried: "O that you would tear open the heavens and come down"! (Isaiah 64:1; NRSV)

Holy ground

2011-11-28T05:47:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

We've lost a sense of reverence, Lord. When I was in school, we just did not talk when we were not supposed to. It wasn't done. And when another adult came into the room, we were even more silent. We showed respect. When I was in a Catholic school, we were not only silent when a priest walked in the room, but we stood to show respect, and we understood it was not so much for the person of the priest but for You whom that priest tried his best to represent. Kids are not taught that kind of respect, and it is costly for us to have lost that.

We no longer understand reverence. We treat You as any other thing, idea, or person. We drop our Bibles on the floor, use Your name in profanity without a second thought, and scoff at any idea of "fear before the Lord."

Lord, have mercy upon us.

I think of a movie I saw when I was a child. I don't recall what movie it was but it was animated. This dog was bullying the other dogs, strutting around, overpowering the dogs smaller than he. He was proclaiming his own strength, so confident he had no equal, much less no one greater than he. And then the background music of the movie got deeper, trembling even, as a massive shadow began to be seen behind the bully dog. He watched as the shadow touched his feet, enveloped his legs, and towered above his entire body. The bully dog seemed to sink within himself as all at once it dawned upon him, "There is someone bigger. There is someone more powerful."

This is reverence. And this is Advent. Time for all of us to stop strutting our own "stuff," and realize who and what we are in Your presence, Lord. Time to tumble over ourselves in thanks to You. Time to sit in awed silence and contemplate You. Time to let our anxieties be taken by Your Spirit while we behold all You are and all You've done and are doing.

Ah, as Father Tom Hansen preached, God didn't say to Moses, "Come as you are." He told him to take off his shoes, for it is holy ground he is walking on.

We would do well to rediscover a profound sense of reverence if we dare walk on holy ground. And, O Lord, may we dare!

God will have no stopping

2011-11-27T04:16:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

You've got a handful with me, Lord. I do not trust easily. I do not trust on levels I am not even aware of. And walking with You requires trust at all levels, even the ones I don't readily see. So what do You do? You target those levels, after You've reeled me in enough to keep me while You scrounge around in my baggage.

Oh, I can keep You out of my baggage. We all can. But, if we do keep You out, there's no stepping forward. There's no real relationship. There's only a static acquaintance, and Bishop D'Arcy used to say faith that is static is soon lost.

I must say, Lord, I do find it is kind of fun. It's hard work, mind You, but when You go scrounging around inside of me, I know I'm going to learn a lot. I know I'm going to be able to make sense of why I do what I do, why I run when I run, why I stop where I stop. You will have no stopping.

And so I welcome Advent. Advent is time to clean my house -- or, rather, allow You to clean it. I need only listen and walk in the direction You point. With Word. With liturgy. With church. With prayer. With circumstance. You have many pointers. They will all converge into one. It will all make sense ... eventually.

Thank You, Lord Jesus. Thank You, Spirit of God, for deigning to come this way, for caring enough to get dirty inside of us, to sweep our homes where You dwell and where You wish to dwell far more. May we put our hands to the plow with You and never, never look back.

This nagging itch

2011-11-26T07:08:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm going to read Marcus Borg's Jesus for Advent, Lord. I was in my room thinking about my own plan for Advent when I glanced over at my bookshelf and that book seemed to leap out at me. I do need to take You into specific consideration. I lump You with "God," Father, Holy Spirit. I don't often take You aside, and that surprises me.

I love You beyond words, but You scare me, too. I'll scoot up next to "Seek and you will find" (Matthew 7:7), but I'm hesitant next to "he who brings himself to nought for me discovers who he is" (Matthew 10:39; NAB). I easily proclaim your words, "I am the light of the world," but I am finding myself itchy around "let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23; NRSV).

Why, Lord? It is not like these words are new to me. I have studied them all my life. I have put them on, prayed them, read them, heard them often. Why do I not want to wear them now? What am I afraid of?

Ah! I am afraid You are asking me to do without that which I am bothered most about in prayer. I am afraid what I am asking for will not be given, and it will be the cross You demand I carry.

So what am I to do? I read some very wise words written by Stephen Martin in a book soon to come out called The Messy Quest for Meaning. "... don't spend too much time pondering God's will. Merely embrace what you have to do from one moment to the next and trust it will move you toward the person God wants you to be, even if all it seems to move you toward in the moment is frustration...."

That's all I need do, Lord, right? Just take steps day by day and, like Mary, ponder these things in my heart, listening to You, watching You, and most of all trusting You.

It is not all frustrating. I see glimpses of glory every day, and those glimpses move me along and make my soul sing, even as I feel this nagging itch. Time to face the itch; that is what Advent is for, time to survey what has become tight, itchy, anxiety-producing, bring it before You, look at it from all sides with You, and let You do with it what You will do.

I'm coming, Jesus.

Get real!

2011-11-25T07:02:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

"Awake from your slumber; arise from your sleep..." Your son Dan Schutte wrote these words, Lord, in a famous song called City of God. I bet You really like that one. I do too.

I go along and I let myself get numb to what You can do, to what You do. Even though I sit with You each morning and think about You often during the day, still, I let the numbness come on. I doubt Your movement. I doubt Your ability to speak in a way that will rouse.

“The Lord God has given me a well-trained tongue, that I might know how to speak to the weary a word that will rouse them.” (Isaiah 50:4; NAB)

But You, Lord Jesus, speak. Your Spirit moves. It hovers over us just as it did in the beginning when its powers unleashed the making of our world. And I doubt Your ability to speak, to have meaning, to reveal Yourself to me, to these? Yes, I need to awake from my slumber, and that's putting it mildly. I need to "get real," wake up, get my head out of the sand. I need to stop being stupid.

"Pay attention, my people.

Listen to me, nations.

Revelation flows from me.

My decisions light up the world." (Isaiah 51:4; The Message translation)

I need to stop letting my feelings rule the day. I need to stop allowing my body to form my outlook, for as another one of Your son's, Eugene Peterson, reminds us, I am not a body with a soul, I am a soul with a body.

And I am at war.

Pull me down, oh doubt of mine?

"Please," my Savior says.

He strides in here amidst my gloom

And sweeps the doubt away.

The battle's long; no end in sight,

But Christ still leads my step.

How dare I fall, give ear to fear

That I'm not getting up.

It is my choice; I can stay down,

But, oh, my Prince is walking by.

His shield enough to set me right,

His Spirit enough to let me fly.

"Awake, awake, put on strength,"

Take flight, my doubt, my fear.

I'm on my feet, my sword is drawn,

For Christ, my Lord, is here!

("Isaiah 51:9"; kelleyrenz)

Knee-deep in thanks

2011-11-24T06:07:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This is my husband's favorite holiday. That surprised me, so I've been thinking about it. What about this day appeals to him the most of all the holidays?

When we're thankful, we're happy. We're content. We are open. There's joy in seeing one another even if we just "saw" one another yesterday before bed. There's a touch of "what if I didn't have you?" in the air, and that brings on embrace, appreciation, love. There's an escape, a willed rising above any circumstance to connect, to enjoy, to just be. Yes, I see why he likes Thanksgiving so much.

I go over in my mind what I am thankful for. I look at each face and lift each up to You, as if just waving them before You will bring grace and blessing. I believe it does. And for that I am thankful. And then I am knee-deep in thinking about You and what You are in my life. You are Giver, Taker, Parent, Guide. You are Friend, Mentor, King, Foundation. You are Wisdom, Anchor, Lover, Healer. You are all I look for, all I need, all I seek, all I strain so hard for.

You are near.

Thank You, Lord.

How Jesus sees

2011-11-23T06:14:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

My pastor told this story. A little girl was enjoying cotton candy. A man asked her with a smile, "Your cotton candy is bigger than you are. How will you eat all that?" The little girl replied, "I'm really much bigger on the inside than I am on the outside."

Is this how You see, Lord? Others saw a band of not so well-dressed, arguing, loud men, but You saw Peter, James, and John. Somehow You knew what they were capable of. You knew what they would be capable of if they remained around You for a time.

And Magdalene. A single woman of some means. I'm sure she caused a lot of talk, a lot of accusation. She may not have even known she was bigger on the inside than she was on the outside. You may have had some convincing to do.

But that is Your way; that is what You do. You are about convincing us we're much bigger than we think we are. You're about daring us to doubt one single act, or many from one life, can change the world very much. You are about challenging us to walk in Your footsteps, vast though they are.

I want to walk in Your footsteps, Lord. I want to be as wise as that little girl, as truthful, as aware. With You, I, too, am really much bigger on the inside than I am on the outside.

C. S. Lewis

2011-11-22T05:35:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

This is the collect from the Book of Common Prayer for the celebration of the life of C. S. Lewis: "O God of searing truth and surpassing beauty, we give you thanks for Clive Staples Lewis, whose sanctified imagination lights fires of faith in young and old alike. Surprise us also with your joy and draw us into that new and abundant life which is ours in Christ Jesus, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."

I like calling You "God of searing truth," even when that searing truth is turned toward me. You cut through all the words, all the chaos and hit the nail on the head, if we listen to You. You make clear what we call confusing. You make straight what we've made crooked and confounding. You burn away all our impurities. And why, Lord? Why do You do this?

Because we are magnificent when we are like You. We are joy. We are peace. We are wisdom, and we are sources for these for others. We reflect You when we allow You to cut away all our baggage, those weights that anxiety and inordinate desire tend to bring about.

C. S. Lewis reflected You well. He showed us Your imagination, just a glimpse of it. May his example spur us on. May each of us show just a glimpse of You, so that when we all come together, our picture of You is far greater than any of us could see all by ourselves.

Thank You for C. S. Lewis and others, Lord, who show us You. Thank You for the ability in each of us to reflect You. May we take that ability seriously, reverently, and with great joy!

I want to be a soldier

2011-11-21T04:17:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

What I just read about Mother Teresa scares me, Lord. I read Mother Teresa went through decades of spiritual darkness, years upon years where she felt abandoned by You. And we'd think she of all people would have a rich spiritual life.This disturbs me, Lord. Will You leave me, too? And what is the meaning of my feeling You so close most of the time? Am I still a spiritual child that You must stay close to lest I be lost?

We should be very careful comparing, I know. Our situations are far different, each of us with You. We bring our own ways of seeing things, very private, intricately formed ways of perceiving to our doings with You. You see how we conclude, how we think, how we consider. You know how we will read a situation, and You speak in our language to each of us -- "Kelley" language to me, "Tom" language to him, "Teresa" language to her. Yes, we must be very careful comparing.

Still, I wonder about me and You. Am I doing what You prefer I do, or did I miss a turn somewhere? Did I give up something You wanted because it was too hard? Did I avoid something else because of difficulty? Can I stick something out because it is right and good even it if hurts or puts my weaknesses to the test? Am I a soldier for You, Lord, or someone with whom You must work with kid gloves?

We know, I suppose, from the battlegrounds upon which we walk. Are we faithful to You on them? The battleground of family relationships -- are we faithful to You there? The battleground of work, doing our best every day in every way -- are we faithful to You there? The battleground of prayer every day -- are we faithful to You there? The battleground of driving, standing in line, rubbing up against others out in public -- are we faithful to You there? The battlegrounds of our minds as we battle thoughts of anxiety, judgment, despair, jealousy -- are we faithful to You there? The battleground for our attention, what we watch, what we listen to, what we read, what we think most about -- are we faithful to You there?

Perhaps if I renew my efforts to be faithful -- to bring You into each of these named battlefields -- then I, then we will see how I am fairing. Perhaps if I renew my efforts to be faithful, perhaps You will speak and let me know. I don't want to be a kid, Lord. I want to be a soldier.

Giving thanks

2011-11-20T09:17:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Keeping things in order is a priority of mine. I find peace when my house is clean and straightened. I find peace when I am clean and straightened. I find peace when my to-do list is nearing its end. What do I find when that order can't be accomplished due to illness? Well, peace is harder to find.

I'm sitting here knowing I can't come to church. I can't sit down with the group of people I've come to love and listen and take part in their discussions. I'm eyeing the messiness on the kitchen table and the recipe for cookies I was going to bake today. How lucky I am when I do feel good. I am not thankful enough for that. I need to remember to give thanks -- lots of thanks -- when I am back to feeling good.

So, where is my peace? I know it rests with You, Lord, so here I come to sit at Your feet, slumped and pathetic. I think of those with chronic illness and wonder how they keep their spirits up. Ah, but I know how they keep their spirits up. You. Your grace invades them. Your grace invades me.

But you, LORD, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
I call out to the LORD,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
Psalm 3:3-6

I will not fear though these things not get accomplished. I will not fear disorder or growing to-do lists. On the contrary, I will give thanks for the tremendous blessings I do have -- my home, my family, relationships, warmth, food, friends I can miss when I cannot be with them, a church home I want to come to, my teenager who wants me to be better so I can take him shopping! All these things are good, and I give You thanks for them, my Lord.

Call them, O Living God

2011-11-18T19:38:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Eugene Peterson reminds us we would have dreamed up a world of far different parameters than the one You came up with. Eugene writes:

"No, the Reality that God reveals to us in his Word is very different, quite other -- Other! -- than anything we could ever have dreamed or thought up. And thank goodness. For if we keep at this long enough, prayer by prayer, we find ourselves living in a reality that is far, far larger, far lovelier, far better. But it takes considerable getting used to. Prayer is the process of getting used to it -- going from the small to the large, from control to mystery, from self to soul -- to God. And God doesn't only reveal it to us by his Word so that we can know about it; he wants us engaged in it, participating in it." (Living the Message: Daily Help for the God-Centered Life)

Oh, Lord, I not only love these words because they describe so beautifully a life I want to live; I love these words because I know they describe the life I do sometimes live. No, I wouldn't have chosen this suffering or that event, but I've seen glimpses of the glory that could only be seen attached to that suffering, that event to know I wouldn't change it. That glory is soul satisfying, brimming up and flowing over. I can't name it. I can't put my finger on it. But, oh, I know it's there.

Call, O Living God, to all Your people. Attract them. Draw them. Let them see what I see and more.

God takes care

2011-11-18T06:52:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I try to come to You through a path other than my own issues. That's my attempt to not be so wrapped up in me. But, my issues still find themselves wound into my prayer; whether that's You or me doing that, I don't know, but You tend to show the up-side, the how-to of those issues in one way or another anyway.

I suppose that's part and parcel of Your command to not worry about things. "What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." (Matthew 6:31-33; The Message translation)

And they are met, Lord, whether I bring them to You or not, just by me living as close to You as I can. You take care, even of prayers not yet prayed.

"God, investigate my life;
get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too --
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful --
I can't take it all in!"
(Psalm 139:1-6: The Message)

May it dawn on us, Lord, just what these words mean.

A meeting of the minds

2011-11-17T05:21:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

According to the website New Advent (www.newadvent.org), prayer "is the application of the mind to Divine things, not merely to acquire a knowledge of them but to make use of such knowledge as a means of union with God."

I like this, "an application of the mind to Divine things." I like to think I come here before You every morning, Lord, to see what You have on Your mind. I always expect to do some stretching -- to broaden how I see things, to work past all my human connections with our topic, and find You, find the ideal toward which You very much want me to come.

It is not easy. My mind runs off here and there. I make lists so I can refocus myself. I apologize to You and then return to our path to keep trying to see through all my self-imposed weeds and growth between us. I want my mind to be right next to Yours, so I keep hacking at the foliage; I keep straining to see You up ahead; I keep walking/running, filled with desire, expectancy -- and a little frustration -- as I go.

God is up head, I tell myself. And I can see You. I know You're there. The thought is exhilarating.

And, then, sometimes, the path is clear ... suddenly ... I find myself in the open. I look up ... and there You are. Invisibility smiles. I see with my mind, now holding the same position as You, and I find a way to stare as tears fill my eyes. I'm very aware of my computer screen, the walls of my room, the white clock, but I am also very much aware of something else, dense, comfortable, intensely so. You will have no words from me, and none form. My lapses make themselves known in my brain, but You will not have them either. I watch through tears and just sit with You...

And I look away first.

The weeds, the growths are back now, so I move to mark this time. I'll mark it with a poem perhaps. I will mark it in my Bible. You have marked it in my heart and soul, this meeting of the minds. You have marked me.

Essential identity

2011-11-16T05:19:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Your daughter Margaret Guenther writes about "essential identity" in her book The Practice of Prayer. And, of course, it is not surprising what she names as our essential identity:

"Layer after layer is removed; and there at the heart, sustaining and nourishing all the other loves, is the love and yearning for God.

"As Christians we know that our identity in Christ is our true identity."

This amazes me, Lord, for this is as true for the atheist as it is for the most spiritual people I know. You have written Yourself on the hearts of those who ignore You and even of those who say they hate You. And these same people turn right around and love another with the love You have enabled them to exercise. To whom do they attribute this ability to love, planted deep within them? To whom do they thank for this reaching beyond selfishness, this others-centered focus, this self-sacrificial motivation? They call it "love" and are okay with that but are not okay with seeing it as Person. That, to me, is the most unscientific of all observations!

I am expectant as I begin sit down to read more of Margaret's words, Lord. I want to discover here even more reason to sit down with You, more reason to expose my heart to Your heart, a different take on Your availability for us, and mine for You.

I am so thankful for my connection with You, Lord. I do not understand its parameters, and I am always amazed at why I have it and certain others do not. I want to shake them, make them realize what they're missing, and give them You!

May we all peel ourselves back, layer after layer, Lord, until we find You, and then may we sit in contemplation, in awe, in wonder of You and teach others to do the same.

Huge sins

2011-11-15T05:40:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

How do people live with huge sin in their background? I have my "larger" sins in my closet. I don't like thinking about them. I cringe when they come to mind. How do people who have committed murder, abuse toward children or seniors, or any other huge sin live, Lord?

David comes to mind. We think so highly of him. He was a man after Your heart. And yet he arranged for Uriah to die in battle so he could have Uriah's wife. "So why have you treated the word of God with brazen contempt, doing this great evil?" the prophet Nathan asked David (2Samuel 12:9). David repented. He admitted the crime and was crushed in spirit because of it. "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight..." (Psalm 51:3-4).

Forgiveness. David knew You forgave him. He did what he could to make up for his sin, but, in the end, he still stood before You with it on his face. Perhaps it worked to humble him, make him listen to You better than he would have otherwise, make him realize his dependence upon You and Your grace, make him intently grateful to You for Your love and pardon.

It is a lesson for all of us. These "great sinners" who have repented stand before You in a unique position. They stand before You wearing an attitude, a demeanor, a perspective we all should take up. It is an attitude, a demeanor, a perspective of humility, of need, of dependence. It should be ours as well for two reasons: first, our so-called "smaller" sins are really not so small, not when we consider their effects, the ripples they cause, out and out, reaching farther and farther, the "permission" they give to others to behave the same way, the precedents they set. And second, with the grace we're given each day, the gift of You in sight at all times, our choice to go ahead and sin, however "small" that sin may be, is an atrocity. Therefore, we can join our brothers and sisters of "huge sin" in their humility, their need, their dependence upon You. And we can join them, too, in gratitude that knows no bounds.

Wait for God

2011-11-14T07:20:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

Psalm 130, verse 6 says, "My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning...." How would this be written today, Lord? We're not familiar with "watchmen" but I imagine they were intently focused on those first signs of light. Who or what in our time is intently focused?

My dogs are intently focused when I am handling food. Their eyes go from my hand to the food and back again, every now and then pulling their eyes from what I'm doing to my eyes, their way of seeing if I'm going to give any to them. If my eyes meet their eyes, they take that as a yes, and their tales begin wagging. I have to be careful to avoid looking at them if I do not intend to feed them.

Might, then, I write, "My soul waits for the Lord more than a dog watches the hand of her master?" Oh, that means I watch for You, Lord, intently so. That means I don't miss a beat. That means when You rise, I rise. That means when Your eyes meet mine, I am ready, willing, and overjoyed at the prospect of walking with You.

I like this analogy, Lord. It is fitting. When I watch for You every now and then, with one eye open and the other closed, I may miss You. Those are the days when I feel "off," when things don't work quite right, when my peace is missing. But when I sit up straight and watch for You to pass me by in the morning, ah, then I see! I am not listless, not dragging. I may meet difficulty but I do so with peace, with a ready reminder of Your presence and Your grace.

May each of us find our apt analogy, Lord, and obey Psalm 130's wise words: "My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning...."

Suffer no fools

2011-11-13T07:18:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I get the feeling You don't suffer fools lightly. And what does that mean to me? That means You have little patience with us when we're acting like fools. Case in point: when he is giving in to feelings of worthlessness because of a particular setback or string of setbacks. You have gone out of Your way to show him his talents, his value, his worth to specific people. All that does not disappear because of a setback. For him to wallow in worthlessness is foolish. You don't and won't suffer that for too long.

But Satan loves to distract us, throw "evidence" into the wheels of our working spiritualities, evidence of doubt, lack of trust, even deceit. He'll ask if we really believe, cast suspicion on our reading of a particular situation -- was that love or was that chance, he'll posit. Does God really care about your day-to-day? No, God just lets events unfold as they will while throwing scraps of grace here and there to get you through.

That's Satan's foolishness at its best, and it threatens to take a lot of people under. And the rest of us? It works to keep the rest of us just enough at a distance from You that we miss miracle. We miss that close-up, face-to-face relationship with You that is meant to be.

Oh, Lord, shake us from our foolishness that would keep us from sharing everything with You. Shake us from our suspicions that we cannot "bother" You with our trivial! Help us to drop our doubt and bring all our baggage into the vicinity of the burning bush, and let You work out what needs to stay and what needs to go. You are very good at that. You don't need Satan's help. You don't need our help. You just need us to listen and obey.

Fools sneak and creep. Fools walk as if on eggshells, looking in all directions. May we focus on one direction, Lord -- where You are. Make firm our steps, close our ears to this fool-talk. Just as You do not suffer fools, may we not suffer them either.

Dawn on her

2011-11-11T06:27:00.001-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I hope there are enough people who observe nature's amazing things and give You praise for it, shake their heads and laugh with You over it, recognize it is Your hand in these complex, intricate orders we see. I want there to be more of those people than the others, the others who look at nature separate from You, as if it could be separated from You. What other wonders You could lead them to if only they would let You lead.

Of course, letting You lead is a universal tightrope. We get ideas in our heads and we head out, forgetting often to check in with You: is this idea okay with You? Does this idea fulfill what I should be doing? Does it bring about a good without bringing about negative consequences for anyone else? Is there something else I should be spending my time on? Am I consciously taking You along with me?

And we often forget, too, that the journey is more important than the goal really. How we spend the journey colors the goal in shades of victory or failure. But, if we take You along with us, we're less apt to snap at the attendants along the way, the other drivers, the other journeymen and women. If we take You along with us, we will be less apt to miss the signs along the way that make us far richer than we were. We learn the little things make all the difference. We learn paying attention, giving our attention is the avenue of wisdom, insight, perspective.

Why, my Lord, would anyone want to embark upon a journey without You? Oh, it is hard to walk with You sometimes! I know this! Ha! I imagine it is hard for You to walk with me at times! I am thankful I do not have to figure things out and mold You; it is You who have figured things out and mold me. The molding hurts, but, ah! what we get to see because of it!

Take another one, Lord. Convert another one who dares to see the world without You. Amaze her. Delight her. Dawn on her. Oh, how I'd love to see the smile of recognition alight across her face!

Talents

2011-11-10T06:13:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

The gold You gave those three servants "each according to his ability" (Matthew 25:15), that gold mirrors the talents You give to each of us, yes, Lord? Therefore, You do give more to some than You do another? I guess that is verified by our observations. It is quite obvious some of us are gifted more than others -- more wisdom and opportunity, less distraction and obstacle. But those things really aren't of Your making, Lord, are they? After all, parental genes come into play regarding our intelligence. Opportunity is made by choices. Distractions come about through environment, and obstacles can and do come from all factors -- genes, environment, nurture or lack thereof. Oh, but if our observations stop there, we miss something, don't we, for there is something greater at work.

Someone. Someone greater at work. I was taught, and I do believe, Your grace works through nature. Our talents, our abilities, our motivation, our thought patterns, our opportunities, our obstacles -- these are the stuff of nature, and that nature is outlined, marked, run through by Your grace. If we were to show nature's lines on an x-ray, we'd see millions upon millions of white lines running to us and from us, creating thousands upon thousands of chances, paths, ways, avenues. If we were to see that same x-ray with the workings of grace in red, what would we see, Lord? I believe we'd see red everywhere, but it would be darker in those areas that meet with what is right, what is good, what is best for each individual.

It is up to each of us to find the darker red, that which is "according to our ability."

All things fall into perspective as we learn to see Your way, Your will for us, Lord. It does matter that he is smarter than I am. It does matter that he is headed for college and she is not. It does matter that he is in service and she is in administration. It matters because You have called, ordered, blessed, graced us to this place we find ourselves (if indeed we have followed the darker red). For the effects of what I can do with 3,000 pieces of gold when I am aligned with You, Lord, is far greater than what I could do with 5,000 without You. (What we see as "more" and "better" is deeply flawed.)

May each of us dig deep to find Your way, Lord. May we glory in what we've been given and work with You to make of it -- and us -- a marvelous thing (cf. Luke 1:49)!

Is it time, Lord?

2011-11-09T06:18:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

When will You say, "It is time"? About these five who are so dear to me, Lord, when will You say, "today is the day"? Will I get to see it? Will I know on that morning all things will come together and bring the dawn of understanding, connection, awareness, discovery? Will I get to hear each of these gasp, or see the slight smile of recognition run across their faces, or sense in some way they have run into You and no longer look away? Is it "time" today, Lord?

Oh, if it could be today! If I could melt the lack of belief, name the problem and sweep it away -- but, You, Lord, You know the problem. You have named it. You see it in specific relief. How is it possible this problem manages to deflect Your brightness? It doesn't, I know. Your light flows from problem's edges and soaks them.

Oh, Lord, can it be soon? To be able to converse with them about You! My heart longs for this. To hear them talk about Your love, about their connection to You in committed, loving terms -- this would be heaven to me.

Bring heaven, Lord, in Your time. I believe as Eugene Peterson writes about you: "God creates in ways past finding out, with energy and in beauty exceeding anything that we have eyes and ears for. Nothing that we encounter from birth to burial merely is. It is the marvelous result of God's making. There is a verb behind every noun, the first verb in the cosmos and scripture: create. God saves in ways past finding out, with a persistence and wisdom exceeding anything we can will or understand. No person we meet from the moment we open our eyes in the morning till we shut them in sleep at night is finished. Each person is a tragic-comic soul whom God is saving. Implicit in every personal name (explicit in baptism) is the Holy Trinity, that intricate coming into being of persons-in-relationship in a not-to-be-fathomed eternity" (Reversed Thunder).

Bible

2011-11-08T07:19:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

It's easy to poke fun at the Bible. It calls for the deaths of people who sin. It tells women they must stay away, far away from others at certain times. It prescribes, probes, and prods in all manner of ways. And it contradicts itself: take this one out and stone her ... but thou shalt not kill.

If we settle with this view of the Bible, we do so at our peril. Anyone who approaches this book over a period of time with an open heart and mind understands. It is a book in which You dwell. These words are Your words and they will work on the reader, drawing, challenging, infuriating, moving, confusing, endearing, empowering, overwhelming him and her. They cannot avoid doing so for these words have the Divine in them, like it or not.

You have no problem with the contradiction, the brutality, the imagery, the genre, the motivation of the writer. You transcend all that and weave and work out Your will in each soul who comes to its pages. It all comes down to what is prescribed in the last book, Revelation: "This calls for wisdom: let anyone with understanding calculate the number of the beast..." (13:18).

We're called upon to be smart enough to see sin for what it is, to peg temptation truthfully, to figure out what is right, what is wrong, and follow You. None of us are exempt from doing so; therefore, each of us must have the ability to do so.

The Bible is an invitation to, as Revelation says, "come up here" (4:1). We're equipped with what we need -- by grace, by certain people around us, by events. Just as You worked with the writing of the Bible, the Living Word, so You work with us and its reading.

May each of us take this invitation wholeheartedly and give thanks for it. Amen.

Church

2011-11-07T07:50:00.000-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I know people who reluctantly plod into church on Sundays. I've been one of them. I know people who come but tune out. I've been one of them too. But, if we just take a moment to realize and consider what is at stake, perhaps we'd be far less apt to slip into one of those roles and more apt to sit up and pay attention with every ounce of our being!

Church is Your walking ground. Oh sure, You are everywhere -- out in nature for nature-lovers; in the solitary for the loners; among friends for the slightly insecure. But Church, Church is where You said You'd be. You knew the opportunities mixing with other people would give You to mold us, fashion us, bring out our goodness, smooth over our weaknesses. You knew there'd be the ones we look up to and ones we look down on, the ones we squirm in the presence of and the ones we'd rather pay no mind to. You know how to add a bit of this and a touch of that to run by us at just the right time to rub this off or this in, make us realize what we're capable of, and sharpen our vision so we can catch sight of You better.

Church is where it happens, complete with the Bible, preaching, and mixing with others. It's a scenario ripe with transformation, a springboard to You and how You work, how You love, how You teach. Growth in any category is not without hardship; why do we expect spiritual growth to be the exception? Besides, the benefits of Church far outweigh the negatives.

Help us to commit to Church-going, Lord. Show us where. Open us.

Worship is powerful

2011-11-06T05:32:00.002-05:00

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

It was Your purpose to put Revelation at the end, wasn't it, Lord? It is the synthesizer of all that comes before. It is the clarion to call to see it all through Jesus Christ. It is the reminder of how awful and persistent Satan is. It is the reflection of how glorious, majestic -- and victorious -- You are. It is, above all else, a call to worship.

"I was caught up at once and deep in worship..." (Revelation 4:2; The Message).

"I saw a huge crowd ... standing ... heartily singing..." (7:9-12).

"The Twenty-four Elders seated before God on their thrones fell to their knees, worshiped, and sang..." (11:16).

"They sang the song of Moses, servant of God; they sang the Song of the Lamb..." (15:2).

"I heard a song like massed choirs in Heaven singing, Hallelujah!... The Twenty-four Elders ... fell to their knees and worshiped God ... Blessed are those invited to the Wedding Supper of the Lamb..." (19).

"The throne of God and of the Lamb is at the center" (22:3).

Amid war raging, we are to worship.

Amid chaos, we are to worship.

Amid confusion, doubt, despair, pain, misunderstanding, heartbreak, we are to worship.

Worship fortifies, clarifies. Worship reminds us of our (read, Your) strength. Worship centers us and puts You in charge.

Amen. Alleluia.