Right here, right now

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I was reading the lyrics to a song when I noticed a hesitancy in me. The hesitancy came to mind when I read the third line:

O breathe on me, O breath of God,
until my heart is pure;
until my will is one with Yours,
to do and to endure.

I've felt this hesitancy before, Lord; what is it? The image I get is of me holding onto You but also digging in my heels, not wanting to go the speed the You're going or perhaps the place You're going. Where do I think You're going? What do I think You're going to ask of me? And why do I think it is always going to be giving up food or coffee? Is that common? Do most people fear You will ask of them what they like the most? Or, is it that You will ask of us what we put too much value in, what we comfort ourselves with, so that You become our comfort, our value?

This digging in of my heels is strange, Lord, because I don't know Your will in detail, so why would I be hesitant? I'm anxious to see! I want to know it! I want to grab it with all I have and put all I am into it. But, why is it that I never see where I am right now as Your will? Your will is always something in the future, something You will bring me to eventually. Why do I not see right now as Your will?

It is, isn't it, Lord? Right here. Right now. My church. My work. My home. My children. My husband. My friends. These are Your will. And I am pouring all I am into it. So perhaps this hesitancy is a reminder to stop looking forward, stop straining to see ahead and just stay right here, doing what I'm doing, trying to do it better ... for You.

This is Your will.