Weary

Dear God,
This is Kelley.

I'm not up to much, Lord. I feel like I'm plodding along behind You, with my eyes cast down, just barely keeping your feet in my view, and sometimes not even that. I belong no where. I'm afraid to go to church, afraid of getting to know people any closer than arms' length -- really, really long arms' length. And, even if I do go to church, I'll be going alone. I'm alone in You. It's just You and me -- it's been that way for all my life. Here a while, there a while ... and then back to just me and You.

I'm tired, Lord. Everything is hard. I'm pulled in lots of directions and there's just no simplifying it. I know trusting in You will simplify it -- trusting and keeping my eyes fixed on the moment. I want to do that. I want to be positive.

You know what I want, Lord, but I'm not expecting to get that. It seems like what I want is never aligned with what You want. I know, my brain, my heart, they're short-sighted. You're not. You have my path laid out. Don't let me off of it.

I feel like Elijah -- I have been zealous for the Lord, but the prophets have been killed and now they seek my life, too. Let me go to the cave, Lord. Let me go and hear You and come to the entrance of the cave for Your  passing. Let me stand up for You again. Renew me, Lord.